Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

I was telling my mom the other night how the huz and I are about to celebrate two years of not having any sex.  I mean, I say it like a joke  – the fact that we are celebrating it like an anniversary – but then shit got serious.  I said, “He shows no interest in my vagina.”

Mom said, “Hmm, that is weird.”

Me: “Well, it might be my fault.”

Mom: “Why?”

Me: “Well, the first few times he tried to touch my vagina was a few years ago, right after we got married.  I got all fucked up because it reminded me of when my brother used to touch me there.  I would freak out, and the huz got scared and hasn’t really tried to touch me there ever since.”

Mom: “Oh sweetie, I am so sorry.”

Mom always has a way of saying she’s sorry that makes me cry.  I knew what she was saying – that I was missing out on something that was probably beautiful for other people whose brothers had never touched their hoo-hahs when they were kids.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids though.  We can’t even let our husbands touch our vaginas without totally freaking out.  I am an adult, I want to have sex like normal people.  More than that, I want to want to have sex. Instead, I celebrate no-sex anniversaries.