Filed under: survivor | Tags: migraines, panic disorder, sandusky, survivor of child sexual abuse, survivor of incest
I have mentioned before that the epidemic of child sexual abuse leads to adults who choose certain jobs over others, and also forces a situation where it literally affects the Gross National Product (i.e., the economy of the nation) because we get physically/emotionally sick and skip work.
Today was one of those days for me. I woke up pretty early, around 5:30AM, with a migraine. I first wrote about my migraines here, and then they came back strong after my husband discovered she was transgendered. The ex and I have worked out a shower schedule where she will shower first and thus I can wake up later and shower around 7:30. I usually appreciate the extra sleep. Today I got up at 5:30, took some ibuprofen, and felt too panicked to lay back down. Instead, I sat up, surfed the net and watched tv.
I started thinking about the parking lot where I work. Again. I always obsess about this parking lot, because I find it so difficult to get from my car into the building. Usually I talk myself into going. Sometimes I make the decision to work from home instead, when I just can’t face that parking lot. Today I double-whammied myself by thinking not only about the parking lot, but also about the new janitor at work. He creeps me out something fierce. I don’t like how he looks or how he looks at me. Something about him is just totally creepy, and it freaks me out to be in the building with him.
The parking lot and the janitor were too much for me, as was the shower. My panic rose so high, I called into work. I called into fucking work because I am afraid of a parking lot.
I know I am not the only one who does this though. There are many of us. Many of us adults who were fucked as kids end up with severe panic disorder that severely limits their work abilities. There’s other shit too though, like the migraines. Some kids get backaches, stomache-aches, etc. So many people get shit like this that the medical community has a name for it. Somatic problems. Somatic problems are when you have a physical ailment that cannot be explained by any physical reason. If there’s no physical reason for your tummy to ache, but you keep getting tummy aches, it’s considered a somatic ailment. Remember when my vagina was hot for days (see here and here), and I couldn’t figure it out?
Anyhow, my point is, this is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. Everyone gets fucked when kids get fucked. The whole economy suffers as a result, and so many survivors are on social security disability (a form of public assistance). If you don’t like paying for other people to be alive, stop fucking kids. Or stop allowing kids to get fucked (I’m looking at you, Dottie Sandusky).
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