Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Courage to heal, Male survivor of child sexual abuse, survivor of child sexual abuse, transgender ex-husband
My ex’s best friend came over for dinner last night. He is 41 years old, and has just gone through a divorce. I excused myself after dinner to go to my bedroom and play Candy Crush Saga on my computer, while they sat around talking. Their discussions don’t usually interest me, because they discuss their shared childhood (when my ex understood herself as a boy), so their discussions usually center around stereotypical ‘boy’ childhoods (like their shared experiences in Boy Scouts, or being altar boys, etc.)
While I was up in my room, I heard the friend blurt out “I was molested. I’ve never told anyone before.”
I was pretty surprised, but not as surprised as I should have been. I have seen firsthand how completely dissociated he is from his emotional self.
Anyway, the whole situation reminded me of a time when I was a teenager and I was sitting in my incest survivors group. The group facilitator was reading a narrative from “The Courage to Heal”. The narrative was from a 92 year old woman who was on her deathbed. While dying, she grabbed the nurse’s hand and said “When I was a little girl, my brother molested me. I just had to tell someone before I died.”
After telling us that story, the facilitator looked at us and said “That won’t be any of you. You’ve all broken the secret and now you are working on healing.”
The friend has broken the secret. Now that it is broken, may it no longer hold the power it did over him. May it no longer rule his life. May he rediscover the boy he once was, the boy he would have been, the man he might have become, and the man he actually did grow into. May his healing journey begin.
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