Comments for Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com A blog for survivors of child sexual abuse and those who love us. These are the reasons we are the way we are. Fri, 27 Nov 2009 07:07:12 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Reason #135: Gratitude for surviving by kate1975 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/reason-135-gratitude-for-surviving/#comment-521 kate1975 Fri, 27 Nov 2009 07:07:12 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=468#comment-521 I am grateful for you too. I think you said it so well. I especially love when you said just by the fact that we are alive, we are letting them know that we won and they will lose. You are right. We have already won. Good and healing thoughts to you dear friend. Kate I am grateful for you too. I think you said it so well. I especially love when you said just by the fact that we are alive, we are letting them know that we won and they will lose. You are right. We have already won. Good and healing thoughts to you dear friend.

Kate

]]> Comment on Reason #135: Gratitude for surviving by sworddancewarrior http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/reason-135-gratitude-for-surviving/#comment-520 sworddancewarrior Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:29:26 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=468#comment-520 I'm grateful for you too, Butterfly Warrior. Happy Thanksgiving! SDW I’m grateful for you too, Butterfly Warrior. Happy Thanksgiving!

SDW

]]> Comment on Reason #134: Not wearing gloves in the winter by kate1975 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/16/reason-134-not-wearing-gloves-in-the-winter/#comment-519 kate1975 Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:52:09 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=465#comment-519 Dear Butterfly, Such a powerful image of the aftereffects of abuse and why abuse should not happen. The thought process you explain is heartbreaking and real, it is so horrible to think that you and all of us mus alter our lives so much due to abuse. I know that we do. It's just so awful that we have to. Good and healing thoughts to you. Kate Dear Butterfly,

Such a powerful image of the aftereffects of abuse and why abuse should not happen. The thought process you explain is heartbreaking and real, it is so horrible to think that you and all of us mus alter our lives so much due to abuse. I know that we do. It’s just so awful that we have to. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

]]> Comment on Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit by PhoenixAscending http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/reason-133-forgiveness-bullshit/#comment-518 PhoenixAscending Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:05:31 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=462#comment-518 You are preaching to the choir Butterfly, I agree with you and everyone else. Fuck them all and let G*d sort it out....... You are preaching to the choir Butterfly, I agree with you and everyone else. Fuck them all and let G*d sort it out…….

]]> Comment on Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit by 1janedonut http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/reason-133-forgiveness-bullshit/#comment-517 1janedonut Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:26:07 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=462#comment-517 How refreshing to see such honesty! When someone tells me to forgive, I pretty much tell them to fuck off. I'm way past caring what they think forgiveness means, just so long as they know what fuck off means. How refreshing to see such honesty! When someone tells me to forgive, I pretty much tell them to fuck off. I’m way past caring what they think forgiveness means, just so long as they know what fuck off means.

]]> Comment on Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit by Ivory http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/reason-133-forgiveness-bullshit/#comment-516 Ivory Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:44:56 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=462#comment-516 Here is something I've learned to do when someone suggest I learn to "forgive". I calmly look at them and ask,"What does forgiveness mean to you?" Believe it or not, they cannot answer it. I've found only one person who could answer it that made me think twice. They stutter around about "moving on", and "letting go", but they cannot answer what forgiveness means to them personally - which tells me they probably have never really forgiven someone. One thing I know for sure is that forgiveness does NOT mean "it's okay". It will never mean that because it will never be okay. And I don't think you are hard hearted - you are logical. Here is something I’ve learned to do when someone suggest I learn to “forgive”.

I calmly look at them and ask,”What does forgiveness mean to you?” Believe it or not, they cannot answer it. I’ve found only one person who could answer it that made me think twice.

They stutter around about “moving on”, and “letting go”, but they cannot answer what forgiveness means to them personally – which tells me they probably have never really forgiven someone. One thing I know for sure is that forgiveness does NOT mean “it’s okay”. It will never mean that because it will never be okay.

And I don’t think you are hard hearted – you are logical.

]]> Comment on Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit by sworddancewarrior http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/reason-133-forgiveness-bullshit/#comment-515 sworddancewarrior Fri, 13 Nov 2009 01:09:44 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=462#comment-515 Kate gave the exact response I was going to give. Very well said. The problem with forgiveness is that it has multiple definitions, and people confuse it with acceptance (of the facts, that the abuse happened and was bad, the last stage of grieving) which yes I do think is important for healing. Forgiveness in the 'hearts and flowers I feel only love toward you now, be well' sense is completely inappropriate for unrepentant wrongdoing on this scale. The other thing people say that I hate is "forgiveness is for you, not the other person", like I'm this stupid person to withhold from myself the magic gift of shutting up and convincing myself that it's all good now. Baaastards!!! May we dance on their graves. SDW Kate gave the exact response I was going to give. Very well said. The problem with forgiveness is that it has multiple definitions, and people confuse it with acceptance (of the facts, that the abuse happened and was bad, the last stage of grieving) which yes I do think is important for healing. Forgiveness in the ‘hearts and flowers I feel only love toward you now, be well’ sense is completely inappropriate for unrepentant wrongdoing on this scale.

The other thing people say that I hate is “forgiveness is for you, not the other person”, like I’m this stupid person to withhold from myself the magic gift of shutting up and convincing myself that it’s all good now.

Baaastards!!!
May we dance on their graves.
SDW

]]> Comment on Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit by Kerro http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/reason-133-forgiveness-bullshit/#comment-514 Kerro Thu, 12 Nov 2009 08:56:55 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=462#comment-514 I agree, I think this is bullshit as well. My therapist has never put this on me... just mentioned this is something I need to figure out for myself. I did. It's shit. I second the wisdom of your words. I agree, I think this is bullshit as well. My therapist has never put this on me… just mentioned this is something I need to figure out for myself. I did. It’s shit.

I second the wisdom of your words.

]]> Comment on Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit by kate1975 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/reason-133-forgiveness-bullshit/#comment-513 kate1975 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:02:15 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=462#comment-513 Hi Butterfly, :Whenever I hear someone tell me some shit like that, all I hear is “I am uncomfortable with all of this, and if you forgive your perpetrator, then you will be done talking about it and I don’t have to hear it anymore.” They no more have my interests at heart than the perps did." Very wise words. I agree. Good and healing thoughts to you. Kate Hi Butterfly,

:Whenever I hear someone tell me some shit like that, all I hear is “I am uncomfortable with all of this, and if you forgive your perpetrator, then you will be done talking about it and I don’t have to hear it anymore.” They no more have my interests at heart than the perps did.”

Very wise words. I agree. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

]]> Comment on Reason #132: Self-soothing bullshit by kate1975 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/reason-132-self-soothing-bullshit/#comment-512 kate1975 Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:29:59 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=458#comment-512 Hi Butterfly, I heard this one person say that a baby should not cry more than 90 seconds without comforting. I agree with that. This cry it out shit is abuse and neglect. It was not around fifty years ago, forty, thirty, twenty, etc. I don't know when it happened but a mother told me that crap recently and I was so mad. How dare mothers believe that. How dare someone tell mothers that. Self-soothe is not about crying and terror and needing food and changing. Self-soothe is for when a child is a little older. It is not for babies for cripes sake. When the experts say crap it is okay to ignore them. Good and healing thoughts to you. Kate Hi Butterfly,

I heard this one person say that a baby should not cry more than 90 seconds without comforting. I agree with that. This cry it out shit is abuse and neglect. It was not around fifty years ago, forty, thirty, twenty, etc. I don’t know when it happened but a mother told me that crap recently and I was so mad. How dare mothers believe that. How dare someone tell mothers that.

Self-soothe is not about crying and terror and needing food and changing. Self-soothe is for when a child is a little older. It is not for babies for cripes sake. When the experts say crap it is okay to ignore them.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

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