Comments for Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com A blog for survivors of child sexual abuse and those who love us. These are the reasons we are the way we are. Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:02:15 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit by kate1975 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/reason-133-forgiveness-bullshit/#comment-513 kate1975 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:02:15 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=462#comment-513 Hi Butterfly, :Whenever I hear someone tell me some shit like that, all I hear is “I am uncomfortable with all of this, and if you forgive your perpetrator, then you will be done talking about it and I don’t have to hear it anymore.” They no more have my interests at heart than the perps did." Very wise words. I agree. Good and healing thoughts to you. Kate Hi Butterfly,

:Whenever I hear someone tell me some shit like that, all I hear is “I am uncomfortable with all of this, and if you forgive your perpetrator, then you will be done talking about it and I don’t have to hear it anymore.” They no more have my interests at heart than the perps did.”

Very wise words. I agree. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

]]> Comment on Reason #132: Self-soothing bullshit by kate1975 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/reason-132-self-soothing-bullshit/#comment-512 kate1975 Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:29:59 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=458#comment-512 Hi Butterfly, I heard this one person say that a baby should not cry more than 90 seconds without comforting. I agree with that. This cry it out shit is abuse and neglect. It was not around fifty years ago, forty, thirty, twenty, etc. I don't know when it happened but a mother told me that crap recently and I was so mad. How dare mothers believe that. How dare someone tell mothers that. Self-soothe is not about crying and terror and needing food and changing. Self-soothe is for when a child is a little older. It is not for babies for cripes sake. When the experts say crap it is okay to ignore them. Good and healing thoughts to you. Kate Hi Butterfly,

I heard this one person say that a baby should not cry more than 90 seconds without comforting. I agree with that. This cry it out shit is abuse and neglect. It was not around fifty years ago, forty, thirty, twenty, etc. I don’t know when it happened but a mother told me that crap recently and I was so mad. How dare mothers believe that. How dare someone tell mothers that.

Self-soothe is not about crying and terror and needing food and changing. Self-soothe is for when a child is a little older. It is not for babies for cripes sake. When the experts say crap it is okay to ignore them.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

]]> Comment on Reason #132: Self-soothing bullshit by butterflysblog http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/reason-132-self-soothing-bullshit/#comment-511 butterflysblog Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:57:49 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=458#comment-511 You know, I really hadn't thought of it that way. It's so weird, isn't it? The 'experts' make 'self-soothing' into this terribly negative cry it out experience, when really the word soothing means nothing of the sort. I agree with your positive approach. You know, I really hadn’t thought of it that way. It’s so weird, isn’t it? The ‘experts’ make ’self-soothing’ into this terribly negative cry it out experience, when really the word soothing means nothing of the sort. I agree with your positive approach.

]]> Comment on Reason #132: Self-soothing bullshit by sworddancewarrior http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/reason-132-self-soothing-bullshit/#comment-510 sworddancewarrior Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:40:53 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=458#comment-510 I don't think I agree with self-soothing in the 'let them cry it out' school of thought, but I have a lot of respect for 'self-mothering' which I think is far more effective. If I didn't 'self-soothe' by mothering myself in ways I wasn't before, rocking and cuddling and reminding myself that I'm safe, I don't think I'd be able to cope. Obviously this doesn't apply to babies, but maybe teaching a toddler how to deep breathe, or to hum along with soothing music might be a more positive form of self-soothing. What do you think? I don’t think I agree with self-soothing in the ‘let them cry it out’ school of thought, but I have a lot of respect for ’self-mothering’ which I think is far more effective. If I didn’t ’self-soothe’ by mothering myself in ways I wasn’t before, rocking and cuddling and reminding myself that I’m safe, I don’t think I’d be able to cope. Obviously this doesn’t apply to babies, but maybe teaching a toddler how to deep breathe, or to hum along with soothing music might be a more positive form of self-soothing. What do you think?

]]> Comment on Reason#131: My 36th Birthday by sworddancewarrior http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/reason131-my-36th-birthday/#comment-509 sworddancewarrior Fri, 30 Oct 2009 21:07:04 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=456#comment-509 Happy Birthday Butterfly! Happy you-are-safe-now-people-love-you-no-more-abuse day too! Blessings to you, SDW Happy Birthday Butterfly!
Happy you-are-safe-now-people-love-you-no-more-abuse day too!

Blessings to you,
SDW

]]> Comment on Reason #84: The Occupational Therapist by claireot http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/reason-84-she-could-be-her/#comment-508 claireot Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:04:43 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=312#comment-508 hey- just found your blog searching for OTs- wow, you really don't need to justify feeling creeped out by your therapist. OT's are trained to be "client centred"- to centre treatment around the needs and special circumstances of the client. In your case the "client" is not just your son, but your family unit and that includes you. No-one (NO-ONE) needs to be tickled or head-petted or inappropriately touched in any way to get OT, and your OT does not need to do this to deliver her services. I hope you can find the strength to trust your instincts and demand this woman or her boss take your concerns seriously. She may be entirely innocent, but she still needs to stop touching your son in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you need support, go to your national professional organisation- they can get the OT to stop (AOTA in USA, BAOT in UK). Good luck. Claire hey- just found your blog searching for OTs- wow, you really don’t need to justify feeling creeped out by your therapist. OT’s are trained to be “client centred”- to centre treatment around the needs and special circumstances of the client. In your case the “client” is not just your son, but your family unit and that includes you. No-one (NO-ONE) needs to be tickled or head-petted or inappropriately touched in any way to get OT, and your OT does not need to do this to deliver her services. I hope you can find the strength to trust your instincts and demand this woman or her boss take your concerns seriously. She may be entirely innocent, but she still needs to stop touching your son in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you need support, go to your national professional organisation- they can get the OT to stop (AOTA in USA, BAOT in UK). Good luck.

Claire

]]> Comment on Reason#131: My 36th Birthday by PhoenixAscending http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/reason131-my-36th-birthday/#comment-507 PhoenixAscending Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:50:44 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=456#comment-507 Happy Belated Birthday Butterfly!!! I agree with Kate you are an inspiration to all of your readers.... By the way, even though it doesn't feel like it, you have won, you have a beautiful family and you are working through your trauma, there are so many that didn't make it this far.... Congratulations, well done lady :-) Happy Belated Birthday Butterfly!!!
I agree with Kate you are an inspiration to all of your readers….
By the way, even though it doesn’t feel like it, you have won, you have a beautiful family and you are working through your trauma, there are so many that didn’t make it this far…. Congratulations, well done lady :-)

]]> Comment on Reason#131: My 36th Birthday by kate1975 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/reason131-my-36th-birthday/#comment-506 kate1975 Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:54:43 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=456#comment-506 Hello dear Butterfly, So achingly true. I have about five more years before I get to that point... and counting. I'm so happy at the new family you have created. It gives you hope and healing and your blog by extension, to others. Good and healing thoughts to you. Kate Hello dear Butterfly,

So achingly true. I have about five more years before I get to that point… and counting. I’m so happy at the new family you have created. It gives you hope and healing and your blog by extension, to others.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

]]> Comment on Reason #130: Exercise by PhoenixAscending http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/10/18/reason-130-exercise/#comment-505 PhoenixAscending Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:50:27 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=453#comment-505 I had to smile at the "fat ass" phrase. I am in possession of one as well (don't know if it is from the jewish or black side of the family!). I agree with SDW, maybe there are additional steps to take to feel safe. Honey, have you ever worked with anyone as far as the panic, maybe had someone you could meet with at home and kind of work through some scenarios with them? I had to smile at the “fat ass” phrase. I am in possession of one as well (don’t know if it is from the jewish or black side of the family!).

I agree with SDW, maybe there are additional steps to take to feel safe.

Honey, have you ever worked with anyone as far as the panic, maybe had someone you could meet with at home and kind of work through some scenarios with them?

]]> Comment on Reason #130: Exercise by sandma1half http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/2009/10/18/reason-130-exercise/#comment-504 sandma1half Fri, 23 Oct 2009 05:22:12 +0000 http://reasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.wordpress.com/?p=453#comment-504 I think as survivors, there are two barriers to losing weight, and I am sure you have been coming to terms with this more recently. It feels safer to be heavier because we don't have to worry about becoming the object of someone's typical sexual fantasy. This emotional security can be a terribly strong barrier unless you happen to be in a community of people who also find heavyset women just as attractive. The other aspect that I enjoy about being overweight is that I feel stronger just being heavier, physically able to stand my ground when pushed. So there are two mental barriers for me when it comes to losing weight. I think that the first issue for me would be to believe it is possible to be the size I want to be. Sometimes it takes the momentum of a good example or a really positive event to get me there. Good luck with your weight loss. I think as survivors, there are two barriers to losing weight, and I am sure you have been coming to terms with this more recently. It feels safer to be heavier because we don’t have to worry about becoming the object of someone’s typical sexual fantasy. This emotional security can be a terribly strong barrier unless you happen to be in a community of people who also find heavyset women just as attractive. The other aspect that I enjoy about being overweight is that I feel stronger just being heavier, physically able to stand my ground when pushed. So there are two mental barriers for me when it comes to losing weight. I think that the first issue for me would be to believe it is possible to be the size I want to be. Sometimes it takes the momentum of a good example or a really positive event to get me there. Good luck with your weight loss.

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