Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #6: We Form Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors
September 7, 2008, 8:39 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This post is #6, and it was originally going to be about memory loss.  But the memory loss one will have to wait because when I saw that this was the sixth post, I got all fucked up.  Someone once told me that six is the devil’s number, and that when you have three six’s in a row, that is for sure the devil’s number.  Since then, I don’t like anything having to do with that number.

You see, I have been on intimate terms with evil.  Fucking a child in any way, shape, or form is evil, and that babysitter fucked with me.  It’s evil because you know good and well that it’s wrong what you are doing, but you don’t give a shit, and can’t think past your own shitty needs.  And you hurt us with your needs.  Evil.

Since I have been on the receiving end of evil, I don’t want to visit it in any way voluntarily.  Hence my fear of the number six.  I do other obsessive-compulsive things too, like stepping into every room with my right foot.  Kind of a take on ‘starting on the right foot’.  There’s other shit too.  I count things, I reach for things with my right arm only, I dress the baby with his right arm first, I watch tv to make sure that the guy on tv steps into a room with his right foot.

See what I mean?  This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  We get obsessive and compulsive about everything, because we are so afraid that if we do something wrong, something bad will happen to us like it did when we were younger.  If I step into a room with my right foot, it won’t have been my fault if something bad happens in that room, because I consciously chose to walk in there with that foot.  The right foot.  We keep searching for sense and meaning for those evil acts, as if something I do or did could have prevented what happened there.  The truth is, she was intent on molesting us, and I don’t think there was anything I could have done to prevent it from happening to my brother or I.  But I will continue to step into rooms with my right foot, just in case.


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[…] 3, 2008 This post was originally going to be about panic, but because it is #13, I got all OCD about it, and now it is going to be about having a numbers […]

Pingback by Reason #13: OCD revisited: It’s A Numbers Thing « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

I have a similar thing about always being outside the room when I turn off the light. I don’t always do it now, usually just when I’m ‘flashbacky’. When I was still living with my parents, I had a lot more ‘bargaining with reality’ things I did then (I was suppressing memories as hard as I could back then, so when I stopped doing that, that stuff backed off a bit. I can’t remember them all, but one of them was counting in my head, and the other was a series of complicated rules about walking on sidewalks.

Comment by sworddancewarrior

It is comforting for me to hear that someone else has this too. Trying to explain this stuff to outsiders is ridiculous, isn’t it?

Comment by butterflysblog

[…] 4 was Addiction. Reason 6 was Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). When kids get fucked, they form all sorts of rituals to protect ourselves, because we now […]

Pingback by 35 Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids: 2008 in Review « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

“We keep searching for sense and meaning for those evil acts, as if something I do or did could have prevented what happened there. The truth is, she was intent on molesting us, and I don’t think there was anything I could have done to prevent it from happening to my brother or I. But I will continue to step into rooms with my right foot, just in case.”

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I did a lot of magical thinking things when I was a kid. I know that I desperately needed them. Now I do them and I tell myself it is okay. I know it isn’t a just world and that small things that I do can’t make me any safer, but it makes me feel safer, it calms down my fears and my anxieties, and so it is magical for me.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Magical thinking – that is exactly it. Thank you for putting into words what I could not. That is one of the beautiful things about writing such a blog – it brings survivors together and helps us talk to each other about it.

Comment by butterflysblog




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