Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #10: We Have No Idea Who is Kissing Us
September 19, 2008, 3:16 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Last night, my husband leaned in for a kiss. And we started kissing and kissing. I got wrapped up in it, in the feel of his lips, in the passion of kissing, in the beauty of kissing my sweet wonderful husband who I love so much. It’s been so long since we have done that, since I have felt like that. Maybe this could even lead to some sex.

And then I got lost in the physical feeling of being kissed, of kissing someone. Wait, I am kissing someone. My lips are on SOMEONE. Who is this? WHO IS THIS? Someone’s lips are on me! Who is this? WHO ARE YOU, WITH YOUR LIPS ON ME? G-d dammit, who is this? I open my eyes frantically trying to remember, is this my husband? How old am I? What were those fucking techniques the therapist taught me? Look at my hands, look at my hands, hands always show your true age. I can’t see, G-d dammit, I can’t see, it’s dark in here. Please stop. I am afraid. Please stop! I can’t speak. My voice is lost like it was all those many years ago. And I abruptly pull away. My husband says “Baby, are you okay?” And I can’t answer him, even though I hear him, because I am too far away to stop what is happening inside me now, and I can’t bring myself back even though I am trying so hard.

I am lost now in a terrifying world of my brother’s tongue on my vagina, of my father’s head on my breasts, of the feel of hands on me. I am afraid. What is happening, what is happening?!? Please sweet husband, please bring me back. I am scared where I am, and right now it seems like there is no end to this, and I am a little girl again with hands on me and I don’t want them there. I never wanted them there in the first place. And then, terrifyingly slowly, I come back, and I am an adult in my adult body again and I am staring at my husband who has waited for me ever so patiently. But the moment that started all of this is just so completely lost. And I get upset and start crying, because I want to just be able to fucking kiss my husband without my brother and father and babysitter entering my head and fucking with me again, even though I am not in that little body anymore.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We have scary flashbacks of what you did to us, and it feels like it is happening to us all over again. It’s not enough you have to fuck us once, you have to fuck us for the rest of our lives too?

5 Comments so far
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Hmm… Unfortunately, in my experience, explaining to them why they shouldn’t have done it will have no effect. They don’t give a crap what it did/does to us. They never did.

But educating others on what it does – those who think it shouldn’t be that big a deal, just get over it and move on – THAT is worth the effort.

One survivor to another: I get it.

Comment by Katherine Gunn

[…] Flashbacks, reason 10. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. Plus, as in reason 11, our memory is lost. I haven’t slept a peaceful night since I was molested at the age of five, (Reason 12). When I was 12 and 19, I almost killed myself. Since I didn’t, I was alive to write Reason 16: Suicide. You know how I survived my suicidal tendencies? Therapy, which was Reason 18. The other way I survived was by crying a lot. That was Reason 19. […]

Pingback by 35 Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids: 2008 in Review « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] I looked up at my husband’s face, trying to discern if he was making fun of me (because “use your words” is usually my line to him).  He could see what I was thinking, and said “No, seriously baby, I am glad you used your words before you got all fucked up.” […]

Pingback by Reason #53: Using my words « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

I think that you are one of the bravest people in the world to be able to post about this.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

i hate the flashbacks. i never thought they would happen to me…so sorry they rob form you too.

Comment by buckwheatsrisk

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