Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #14: Panic Disorder
October 6, 2008, 12:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Last night, my husband and I went to bed and as he drifted off to sleep, I was laying there huddled under the covers, afraid. For no reason. We had a perfectly good night. We kissed each other good night, the baby was sleeping soundly in his crib, and yet I was totally panicked.

Frankly, it has been a week of high anxiety. High enough to make me think that maybe I should start seeing someone. Again.

Were it another night, I would have woken my husband up and told him I was afraid. Then we would have went through what has become a usual routine in our home:

Me: “I’m scared.”
Him: “Huh?” (disoriented from sleep)
Me: “I’m afraid.”
Him: (more awake now) “Everything’s okay. We’re totally safe here.”
Me: “I’m scared.”
Him: “Honey, everything is okay. I swear. Remember we checked out the closet, and under the bed, and in the storage space. We locked all the doors, the garage is locked, and I checked the bedroom door lock three times, remember? Plus, remember we have the dog here too.”
Me: “Are you sure you locked the garage door?”
Him: “Yes, positive.”
Me: “How do you know?”
Him: “I knew you would ask, so I made sure to do it. I need to remember to do this stuff in front of you or it doesn’t count.”
Me: (looking around the room) “It’s really dark in here. Maybe we could just turn on a little light.”
Him: “Baby, you know I can’t sleep with the light on. It’s safe in here, I swear it.”
Me: “I’m afraid.”
Him: (Loud sigh) “Okay. What can we do to make it so you aren’t afraid tonight, and we can get back to sleep?”
Me: “I don’t know. I’m scared.”
Him: “It’s safe here. I swear it. All the doors are locked.”

And then we go on like that until I am too tired to be afraid and sleep overtakes me. But I couldn’t wake him last night, because he had an early meeting this morning and I knew he needed the sleep. So instead I lay there totally panicked and hypervigilant. After about an hour of laying there like that, trembling and afraid, I finally got up the courage to walk in the dark to the light. I turned on the light, and after that I was a little less afraid. Less enough that I was able, finally, to get some sleep for a few hours.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We have panic for the rest of our lives, and our entire quality of life is fucked after that.

4 Comments so far
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[…] rather not have the anxiety and not have to go therapy to stop being so afraid of my own fucking closets and the dark and everything else, you […]

Pingback by Reason #18: Therapy « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] virus thing happened. He asked why, and I said because I got scared. He said “Why did you get scared of the bedroom just because the computer got a […]

Pingback by Reason #21: Ashamed « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Perhaps you could have a flashlight by your bed so that you can have a light to walk to the lightswitch, don’t know if you would want to do that, but sometimes I think it is good to have a light nearby.

When it is storming I always make sure that I have some light right by me, otherwise i go into a panic attack if the electricity gets lost and then I am in the dark, without a light and in the middle of a panic attack.

It is for a good reason, you were abused, that is a good reason to be afraid.


Comment by kate1975

[…] to me so many times, with the covers and the checking in the closets and under the beds, and checking the door locks, and pushing dressers in front of doors, and having two big dogs, and carefully evaluating my need […]

Pingback by Reason #166: I thought I would grow out of it « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

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