Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #34: Showering
December 29, 2008, 9:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

Yesterday I needed to take a shower. Showering has always been difficult for me. The water comes over my eyes and I can’t see. The water rushing out of the shower is loud and I can’t hear. If I can’t see and I can’t hear, then two of my senses are taken away and ‘they’ can hurt me. Who are ‘they’ in this scenario? I mean, I am 35 years old. Who is it that is waiting for me to be otherwise occupied so they can take advantage of me by surprise?

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. I want to be able to shower like other people. I like to be clean just like everyone else. Showering shouldn’t be a big fucked up hairy deal, you know?

Yesterday when I told the huz that I was too scared to go upstairs and shower, he suggested that he stay upstairs with the baby so that I could shower. I was grateful, and I agreed to his suggestion. Then I sarcastically said “This isn’t humiliating or shameful at all. It’s not weird for me to need my husband to be upstairs so that I can take a shower.”

The huz said “It’s not shameful, and it’s not humiliating. It is what it is, and it is valid.”

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My “dad” and the other man who abused me repeatedly liked water for some strange reason. They both would hold my head under water until I would nearly black out only to let me breathe and do it again. *SIGH* So I understand your fears. They are NOT shameful, we can’t help it, our abusers did this to us, THEY should be ashamed, but sadly they probably never will. I hope you find some peace today! *hug*

Comment by V

I love that your huz gets it enough to come up and be with you while you shower. My wife isn’t a survivor, but she amazes me sometimes when she gets it. I wanted to learn to play the guitar, and tied on and off for 20 years, but couldn’t because my dad/abuser played the guitar and sang with me as a kid. So she took private guitar lessons with me, and I actually was able to learn. That’s why the taboo against talking about abuse is so bad. It’s not till people really get what we’re up against that they understand how brave we are. I used to not let people in on that thinking they’d pity me, which is insulting, but now it seems like they actually think I’m courageous instead.

Comment by Sword Dance Warrior

[…] why you shouldn’t fuck kids. It was always difficult to clean my self-inflicted wounds since showering was so fucking hard for me too, as I talked about in Reason […]

Pingback by 35 Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids: 2008 in Review « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

I remember the first time I read the list of common symptoms of child sexual abuse survivors and fear of water on their face was one of them. I have always felt that way and it is difficult for me. I can’t wash my face in the shower and doing it by a sink is very difficult too.

I’m glad that you were able to tell and that your husband heard you and acted.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

Hi Kate,

I had no idea that fear of water on one’s face was a common symptom of child sexual abuse. WOW. I have had this one for so long. Thank you for telling me that.


Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

Yes. And I didn’t know that either. The book the list is posted on is the book “Secret Survivors.” It was written some time ago, but the author really knows her stuff. I have the list on my computer and can email you a copy, if you want one let me know.


Comment by kate1975

[…] Posts Reason #180: Bad dreams and shower problemsReason #43: Forced visitationReason #34: ShoweringReason #179: "Other Kids Get Abused and They Aren't Fucked UpReason #164: Family […]

Pingback by Reason #180: Bad dreams and shower problems « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

my Hubby says “it is what it is” a lot too and it is strangely comforting…it almost feels like he is making it okay for me to feel what i’m feeling…i can’t handle having my Hubby see me shower, that creates intense panic for me…it must have clicked with him at some point because he doesn’t try anymore out of respect for me and where i’m at…i hate that abuse affects our Hubby’s when they are the only ones who don’t deserve to be affected. i guess we don’t deserve to be either come to think of it.

Comment by buckwheatsrisk

[…] I took one! It was WONDERFUL.  Generally, since the shower is such an issue for me (see this and this post), I have to wait until someone is home so that I can feel safe enough to shower.  But not last […]

Pingback by Reason #316: One great step forward, one normal step back | Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids

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