Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


35 Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids: 2008 in Review
December 31, 2008, 8:41 pm
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On September 6th of 2008, I started this blog. I started it because I had come to realize that almost every aspect of my life had been influenced directly or indirectly by the child sex abuse I had experienced in my life. My first entry was on Sept 6th, and it dealt with my fear of the dark. This was the first reason not to fuck kids. My third reason was fear of people. Fucked kids become addicted adults. Reason 5 was fear of the babysitter, for my beautiful son. When one person fucks us when we are kids, we think all people will fuck our own kids, as in Reason 15. Fear of bugs was reason # 7, and I came back to it again in Reason 31. Fear is a common theme throughout this blog (and my life), and I revisited fear with doctors in Reason 17. So is Panic disorder, Reason 14. Fucked kids become panicked adults who miss work, trouble keeping friendships, and a whole host of other shit that you the taxpayer are paying for now. I revisited fear in Reason 30, with Agoraphobia. Yet another reason not to fuck kids – we can’t leave our house.

My second reason dealt with sex, and it was something I dealt with in Reasons 9, 20, 23, 25, and 33. Six times this sex thing has fucked me up in adulthood due to the sex thing fucking me up in childhood.

Reason 4 was Addiction. Reason 6 was Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). When kids get fucked, they form all sorts of rituals to protect ourselves, because we now have an intimate understanding of what happens when we let our guard down. I revisited that in Reason 13.

Flashbacks, reason 10. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. Plus, as in reason 11, our memory is lost. I haven’t slept a peaceful night since I was molested at the age of five, (Reason 12). When I was 12 and 19, I almost killed myself. Since I didn’t, I was alive to write Reason 16: Suicide. You know how I survived my suicidal tendencies? Therapy, which was Reason 18. The other way I survived was by crying a lot. That was Reason 19.

Most of the times, living with these reasons brings me shame (Reason 21). Shame and blame was reason 8. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We think it’s our fault that you fucked us. Another thing that brings me shame is my bulimic secrets, which am trying to free myself from in Reason 24. Equally shameful to me is that I took candy in exchange for my body, and I talked about that in Reasons 28 and 29. Some part of me understands that I was probably seeking love and acceptance, and willing to sell my body for it, but that part is buried way deep down and I am only sometimes able to access it. The adult me says it wasn’t my fault and that I should never have been propositioned with such a choice, but the child me says “I am a bad person and that is why this happened to me”.

When I wasn’t busy thinking about suicide or throwing up, I was busy cutting myself. That was Reason 32 why you shouldn’t fuck kids. It was always difficult to clean my self-inflicted wounds since showering was so fucking hard for me too, as I talked about in Reason 34.

An interesting part of living with the effects of being abused is that whenever I see a tv show or movie that reminds me of what happened, I get fucked up. This happened when I saw an episode of My Name Is Earl (Reason 22), Georgia Rule (Reason 26), and Fred Claus (Reason 27). What I learned from Earl though was that being abused by these adults in my life not only opened my eyes to the bad in the world, it also closed my eyes to all the good in the world. All of this caused me to have a lot of nightmares (Reason 35).

May 2009 be a wonderful year, a year where no children get fucked. May we all live in a world where 18 years from now, we have no new adult survivors of child sexual abuse. Andrea Dworkin asked for one whole day free of violence against women. I am asking for the rest of time. She said “And how could I ask you for less–it is so little. And how could you offer me less: it is so little.” And really, it is so little to ask.

May the next beautiful butterfly not have to experience her body being used for adult’s sick love, not have to write a blog about surviving it, not deal with all these aftereffects. May she just enjoy being a beautiful butterfly, and go about making the world beautiful with each flutter of her wings.


4 Comments so far
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I fully agree with you and hope that NO child has to endure the things we have. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world then? My wish is always for no child to ever be hurt again. Maybe, just maybe one day our wishes will come true, if we wish hard enough and love hard enough. I hope your 2009 is the best yet for you, I truly do. By the way, I gave you an award, because I love your blog so much…you can check it out here. http://quietrage.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/my-first-award-wow/#comments

Comment by V

I too hope 2009 is a great one for you, Butterfly. I also wish that no other child would have to go through what we have, what a wonderful world it would be indeed.

All the best,

Comment by AudaciousAria

Hi AudaciousAria,

Thank you for commenting on my blog. I just read yours – it is fantastic, and I am adding it to my links section.

May we be the change we want to see in the world.

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

This post is a fearful and awesome thing. How overwhelming to see it all together. And how daunting to realize how many of us survivors have all the same reasons on our own lists.

Here is to a world without sexual abuse of any kind. And the will and energy to heal and to make the changes.

Kate

Comment by kate1975




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