Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: child sex abuse, crying, Division of Youth and Family Services, DYFS, father-daughter incest, high school
When I was fifteen, my parents divorced for the second time. (And when I say divorced, I mean that he threatened to kill her and himself, and because he was an abusive prick, a judge granted my mother a restraining order.) After their separation, my dad actually had the nerve to petition the court to have forced visitation with me. In other words, he wanted the court to force me to see him. For the very name of this blog, I didn’t want to obviously.
I had never intended on telling anyone what my dad did to me. But then this idiot decided to get a court to force me to see him. So, in order to make sure this didn’t happen, I had to tell strangers what happened to me. Mom made an appointment with the Division of Youth and Family Services in our state, and I went in to see the woman. It was on a school day. She asked me some horrible questions. “Did you see his penis get hard?” Me: “No”.
I get in the car with mom afterwards. She says “Sweetie, you can stay home from school today if you want to.” I said “Mom, don’t be silly, I am fine.” I go to school, I get there at like almost the end of 4th period. Thank goodness, they are watching a movie in class. I sit in the back, cry a few tears, and I tell myself I am fine. I am fine.
I get to my 5th period class. My best friend is there. I had already told her I had a psychologist appointment that morning, due to the divorcing of my parents. She sits down in the chair in front of me and says “How did the psychologist appointment go?” I look at her, and suddenly the tears won’t stop. I am crying in front of everyone. I run out of the room. I am in the bathroom. My best friend is with me. I tell her everything, Dad, my real appointment that morning. The teacher comes in. I am sent to the nurse.
Still crying, can’t stop crying. It’s just too much. All of this is just too much. My dad, my breasts, him moaning. I am terrified and sad beyond belief. I am just a kid – doesn’t anyone see this? The nurse calls my mom to come get me. My mom and I see each other and both start crying. We both leave the school in tears. I cried for two more days.
People spoke in whispers about me after that. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.
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Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids 
*hugs* I am so sorry you had to go through any of this. I know it’s hard to finally tell. I didn’t tell anyone until I was a little over 30. It was painful, scarey and hard to do. I wish I could take the pain of every abused child/adult away, I would take it myself if I could. *sigh*
Comment by V January 28, 2009 @ 12:21 amYour post made me cry (which is a good thing). Thank you for telling it like it is/was.
Comment by sworddancewarrior January 29, 2009 @ 4:13 pm[…] Top Posts Reason #43: Forced visitation […]
Pingback by Reason #54: Trembling « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids March 4, 2009 @ 1:05 amThank you for sharing this terribly intimate moment. You’ve lived some of the hardest & cruelest ordeals and that no one at any age should ever have to suffer that. The pain of that moment takes my breath away…
Comment by sandma1half April 30, 2009 @ 5:50 amHello,
I think that you are so very brave. You are such a pure spirit with so much guts. It is awesome. I know it never feels that way. I’m so glad that you had your friend and mother for you. I understand the depth of that pain.
I was not able to tell about any of my abusers until I was about 23 and to family that were less than supportive.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
Comment by kate1975 April 30, 2009 @ 11:44 am[…] done the brave thing many times with him. I have told him in person in a therapist’s office why I am upset with him, exactly why I am upset with him. I have written him snail mail letters about it. I have written […]
Pingback by Reason #103: My Father « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids June 18, 2009 @ 1:21 am[…] trying to heal. Healing, for me, means understanding what happened to me, his role in it, what he himself did to me, and acknowledging it and living with it. Healing, for my dad, means me trusting him. Since […]
Pingback by Reason #178: That weird vagina thing « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids May 28, 2010 @ 4:32 pm[…] has always had a way of dissociating for all of her life. I mean, as an example, when she had my Dad arrested for almost killing her, he wanted to get back at her, so he called the electric, gas, and water companies and had all […]
Pingback by Reason #204: So you were never safe « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids November 26, 2010 @ 2:10 pm