Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #46: Conference for Incest Survivors
February 6, 2009, 4:29 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

About 15 years ago, I attended a conference for incest survivors. I was in college then, and I was just starting to explore the reasons why I kept wanting to commit suicide. Every reason always led back to the sex abuse.

Anyway, the conference people warned us that shit would get real hard there, so we should bring something that comforts us, like a stuffed animal. I brought along a stuffed animal that my mom bought for me, a bunny rabbit. I called her “Survivor Bunny”. I felt stupid carrying the bunny around, but when I got to the conference site, there were a bunch of us carrying stuffed animals.

On the first day of the conference, four of us got into an elevator with our stuffed animals in tow. A woman and her husband were already in the elevator, and when she saw the four of us standing there with our stuffed animals, she asked us what kind of group we belonged to. The four of us all looked around uncomfortably and didn’t say anything. She asked again. Finally I said “We are all incest survivors, and we are here for an incest survivor convention.”

She was pretty shocked, and she didn’t say anything in response to my statement. This of course made all of us even more uncomfortable. But at the time (and now) I felt like “Why am I keeping this a secret? I didn’t do anything wrong!”

The conference was long and very emotionally painful. Lots of men and women were there. All these people whose family members had fucked them when they were children. Most of us had similar experiences with the cutting, the suicide, the depression, anxiety, etc. All of us were hurting, sad, scared, and emotionally raw by the end. (This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids, by the way.)

The conference was actually pretty beautiful in that it was the first time that a bunch of incest survivors could gather in a room and not feel ‘otherized’ at a gathering. We weren’t the other here. We were ourselves, and we all understood each others’ pain. The thing about incest is that it happens in silence. The perpetrator is silent about it, the victim is silent about it – no one ever says what is really happening there. That is how child sex abuse keeps happening, because none of us talk about it. Now with the advent of the internet, hopefully children can see that they are not alone, and what is happening to them is wrong. Once all of us start talking, there are more of us than there are of them. Once all of this is out in the open, maybe people who fuck kids won’t feel so safe doing so anymore.

The most amazing thing happened on the last day of the conference. The same four of us were in the elevator again, and that same woman and her husband got on. All of us looked uncomfortable, our secret hanging heavy in the air in that elevator. The woman opened her mouth to speak, and I thought to myself ‘Here it comes. Here’s another shithead who is going to call us fucking liars, or tell us our shit is too hard to hear or say something stupid and insensitive.’

She said “I am so glad to have found you. I wanted to tell you – I hope all of you find what you are looking for here and heal.” Then she hugged us.

Whoever she was that was so beautiful to us that day – thank you.

10 Comments so far
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Good ‘coming out’ story, Butterfly. You’ve got guts! Wow, I wish I could go to an incest survivor conference too. Imagine being normal…

Comment by sworddancewarrior

This is one of the best posts I have *ever* read.

I haven’t said anything much n my blog about my sexual abuse, but I want to start very soon.

Would you consider letting me link to or reprint AND link to your post on my blog? Maybe I could use it as an opening…I’d definitely love to showcase it. Of course it would link right back to you giving you full credit for your *perfect* post. If that’s not ok, I understand. πŸ™‚

Either way, this is hands down one of the best things I’ve ever read. I don’t know how I missed it before.


Comment by All Time Love

Sure! Actually, I have been thinking about having other survivors do guest posts on my blog, and letting them be another human example of why you shouldn’t fuck kids. But, absolutely, if you want to do something with one of my posts, I am honored. πŸ™‚

Comment by butterflysblog

Wonderful! Thank you, Butterfly!

I’m going to start working on it today. πŸ™‚ I’ll link you up. πŸ˜‰

thank you, thank you!

Comment by All Time Love

ps — blog rolled you!

Comment by All Time Love

[…] Conference For Incest Survivors, by “Butterfly”, author of Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids : […]

Pingback by They cry in the dark, so you cant see their tears… « All Time Love

This is awesome. I’ll bet she was emboldened to say such a thing because you were so honest & brave to speak up the first time. A conference like that was something to remember without the need to have an outsider recognize your need for stuffed animals- sweet.

Comment by sandma1half

What a beautiful story. It is so powerful and it keeps coming back in my mind very often. I read this post about two months ago, but wasn’t brave enough to comment on until now.

I am glad that you had a survivor bunny and that others brought someone with them as well. And I love that person for saying such kind and healing words to you all.

I wish that I could go to a conference as well, usually for me it is all about the money.


Comment by kate1975

I know this post is old, but I am wondering – what do you wish she had said, that first time in the elevator? How do non-survivors let survivors know that our hearts break for you and we absolutely believe you and we’d like to spank all society for letting this shit happen, and not come across as a douchebag?

Comment by startledoctopus

Hi StartledOctupus – Thank you for asking – that is an excellent question. I think she could have said something that implies belief and support, I guess. I guess she could have even said “I believe and support you.”

Comment by butterflysblog

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