Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #48: Abused Child, Adult Body
February 15, 2009, 3:36 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

I told my husband that V had been leaving comments on my blog. The huz asked about V, and I said “He’s a male survivor of child sex abuse. His father raped him.” The huz looked horrified, and said “Holy shit. That’s fucked up.” I said “I think it’s worse than we think, I think his father might still be raping him. Like in his adult life, I mean.” The huz said “What? How can that happen??”

My husband has a really nice father, the kind of father who soothes hurts and pains, instead of creating pain. If you’ve never been raped or abused in your own childhood, I imagine that it’s easy to wonder why a grown man is getting raped by his father. However, as a survivor of incest and child sex abuse myself, I can easily come up with a few fucking reasons. Let’s see, off the top of my head, Uh, because he’s been getting raped his whole fucking life, and even though he is in a grown body now, he still reverts back to his childhood role with his shithead father? Maybe because when he is around his father, he goes into survivor mode? Or maybe it’s real simple – his father has a fucking gun??

That fight or flight shit is such a lie. Abused kids tend to freeze, not fight or run. We may look like adults, but whatever age it was that we started getting fucked, that is the age we stay in scary situations. When something scary happens to me (as simple as walking into a dark room), my hand immediately goes to cover my throat. It’s instinct, I don’t even realize it’s happening until my hand is at my throat. My dad used to choke me when he was angry.

Even though he isn’t choking me now, my hand still goes to my throat. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


5 Comments so far
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~~grrr~~ Quite fucking true …

If only we all had fathers like your husband’s and none ever had to feel that helplessness of being a scared child..even when you’re an adult.

I’m just so mad about this shit today; seriously, I am so sick of abusers and their trail of tears. ~grr~

Comment by All Time Love

Hey there.

First of all I really want to say that I love the way you emphasize the word FUCK. I think you know exactly what you’re doing too. By tossing into people’s faces the cold cruel reality (that believe it or not the word ‘rape’ doesn’t always get across) is that YES, Rape is about FUCKing. It’s not just some legal term, something to talk about in court cases or report. Rape is about fucking and that means an unwanted penis, hard and desirous going after a hole that is usually too small and ALWAYS without consent. So bravo for you for using this word to remind people that YES, rape usually is all about FUCKing. And fucking is a VERY personal thing, it’s intimate, it’s private and it should ALWAYS be a choice whether or not it’s going to happen.

My husband has lost his life to this prick bastard child-fucker. Seems you understand him very well, and your blog makes him very happy. When things like this happen to V, he feels less alone in the world. What’s truly sad is that no matter how many blogs you write, or how many blogs I write…nothing really changes because the damage is done. It’s so simple. V’s life is ruined and has been since he was a baby. And all because of this prick baby-fucker that still walks freely, still eats his meals and spends his money… and his every breath insures that V will suffer on and on. This is a vicious circle that no one can penetrate. I’ve tried. There’s no entrance. All I can do is be there for V, letting him know that I’m unconditional, I’m loyal and I’m constant. I’m whatever V needs me to be, and yes, sometimes that too is a hard job. But.. it’s my job and I’ll take care of V forever because I truly love this man with my entire soul.
Everything you speculate on above has truth to it. ‘whatever age it was that we started getting fucked’… god that line was powerful. Abusers take their time to find out what there power is. It doesn’t all come easy to the abuser, they have to employ fear tactics and wait for the consequences. They have to find tactics that they know will work. In V’s case, ‘don’t scream, don’t tell’ coupled with the gutting of his puppy in front of his face kicked the trick home forever. Imagine that. Being cruel enough to kill a little boy’s puppy right in front of him and then rape him while rubbing his face in the guts? That was all he needed.
And because of that… V is a mess. V has to sacrifice more than anyone would ever guess…because this prick’s influence still reigns. So, V won’t fight. V won’t fight because he becomes the baby boy who witnessed his puppy’s death and feels guilt over it again and again… what a Horrid irony. Guilt on top of everything else. So V doesn’t fight for himself because if he believes he is at odds with ANYONE…the flashbacks happen, and as irrational as they may seem… every one becomes ‘dad’. ‘Dad’ who will hurt beyond words. Dad, who will do bad things to a ‘bad’ boy’s body. Real Bad Things.
Oh.. DAD’s legacy of fear will live on. There is no righting this wrong..it’s gone on for so much more time than what any amount of justice could bring. There is NO justice that could equal the crime. None.

And so, we just have to bite our tongues and choke on our vengeance fantasies…because they are futile. We can only hope that his destiny will see him a new life where he gets to experience all he’s done, done to him… a thousand fold.

And this is yet another reason why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

cheers to you that wrote this blog, Butterfly!

V’s wife,
~D

Comment by D

Better late than never. I kept ocming here, then finding myself unable to comment. It makes me cry every time I read this blog, because YOU understand, you don’t condemn me, you don’t tell me it’s my fault or I must want it. You REALLY DO understand and you have no idea what that means to me, the impact it has had on me since you wrote this blog. Just know I am here for you if you need a shoulder or anything else. I feel a kind of kinship with you….your blog touches me, you touch my heart. Thank you so very much….*hugs*

V

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Comment by V

Hi V,

I was very worried about you, and I am so grateful that you commented. I imagine this must have been very upsetting for you. It’s one thing to write stuff about yourself; it’s an entirely different animal when another person takes your life and writes about it so intimately. Now is the time to honor your grief, AND your courage. You are a dear soul, and a beautiful human being. Many people know and love the adult you’ve become. You have a wife who is attached to you by soul, and many others (including me) who think the world of you. It is okay to cry and it is also to okay to feel loved.

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

Being in an adult body does not make you safe. I’m sorry that more people don’t understand this.

This is much more common that most people think. It happens all the time. I understand it from a personal perspective.

Good and healing thoughts to us all.

Kate

Comment by kate1975




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