Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason 51: Underwear Mishegaas

For those of you non-Jews out there, mishegaas is a yiddish word that means ‘craziness’, and that is what I am experiencing. Underwear craziness. Seriously.

The only two colors left in my drawer this morning when I went to pick my underwear were blue and black.  Now, I didn’t want to pick blue because it could mean bad things and I didn’t want to pick black because it could mean bad things.  I wear black on the outside all the time, but this black would be close to my vagina and I don’t want black or blue close to my vagina. But I only had the two pairs.  What to do, what to do.  The thing is, I wore the red ones on the day I needed extra luck because red wards off evil (Jewish superstition), and I wore purple on the day I was looking towards healing, and I wore the pink ones figuring it’s in the same family as red so it’s okay too.

But today, you see, I was left with just the blue and the black pair.  Now, blue I figure would mean ill health.  No reasonable reason why that would be, but then none of this shit is reasonable.  Fucking kids isn’t reasonable either yet people do it.  I wore the black pair today figuring I always wear black on the outside, maybe it would fool whatever powers that be into thinking that it is really just part of my outside outfit.

Here’s the best part.  I asked G-d to bless the underwear before I put them on.  If G-d blesses the black underwear, then it is okay to wear them.  G-d can certainly wash away any color weirdness that might accidentally result in my unintentionally wearing a color that attracts evil.

Seriously, this is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  I mean, come on, underwear color mishegaas.  I literally pray for my fucking underwear.  That’s fucked up right there.  I am reasonably certain that had that babysitter not entered our lives and shown me that bad things can happen to good people, I would not continually be trying to ward off surprise badness that might come via my color choices for underwear.


5 Comments so far
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I love this post. Seems perfectly reasonable to have G-d bless your underwear, to me, anyhow.

Comment by sworddancewarrior

*just hugs you* black was the best choice 😉

Comment by V

I have color and number issues as well. I call them eccentricities. I try not to sometimes and other times I just accept this is a survivor issue, even though I don’t know how it is.

Thanks for your post.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

[…] is that unless you are actively attacking it, it will keep actively attacking you. Remember how I wouldn’t wear certain colors of underwear? Well, now I have expanded this mishegas into other items of clothing, and thus I won’t buy […]

Pingback by Reason #191: Can’t wear certain colors « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] Surviving incest and child sexual abuse has impacted every single part of my life, from the color underwear that I choose to wear to the person that I married.  It’s living proof of Newton’s 3rd law, that every action […]

Pingback by Reason #235: My marriage might be over « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids




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