Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #57: How Many People Does It Take to Fix a Butterfly?

The other night I woke up at around 4:30AM. I just lay there in the bed wide awake. And it hit me – I hate our fucking therapist. As you readers suspected, she just wasn’t right for me. We went in for our first together session after our “separate sessions“, and she said “How did you feel our single session went?” I said “Uh, this is awkward, but to be honest, I felt like you opened a big can of worms and then left me to deal with the worms by myself. With like a minute left to the session, you were still bringing up new shit about my sex abuse. Then the session ended and I was left with a big pile of shit.” I explained how the dog stuff was upsetting, and how that happened to be one of the few things I had never previously discussed in therapy.

Dear readers, you are going to love her response to this. She said “I think you were upset because I was and still am angry at your mom.”

Isn’t that great? She’s angry at my mom. Well then, why don’t we stop the session so that we can focus on her feelings? The poor thing, having to sit there with her anger at my mother over what my brother, father, and babysitter did to me.

The more I thought about it, and mind you, it took me all this time to figure this out, I got PISSED. Seriously, who the fuck does she think she is? I am not aware that she is allowed to have a feeling about my mother. And if she is, why is she bringing it into our session? Is it meant to spur my anger towards my mother? Maybe she thinks I am protecting my mom? Let’s say that’s the case. Let’s say I am protecting my mom, because who knows, maybe I am. THIS IS MARITAL THERAPY. We aren’t here to talk about my anger with my mom – we’re here to talk about how my protection of my mom might be affecting the fact that my husband and I aren’t fucking. And frankly, I don’t think that’s the reason we aren’t having sex.

Her “anger” was an inappropriate response for a therapist. Readers and blog commenters, you had it right all along. So, I sat the huz down (later in the day when he was awake), and I told him how I felt about the therapist. He said “No problem baby, we’ll find someone else. It’s not going to work if you hate her.” So we fired her.

In the meantime though, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for myself. I stopped taking the zoloft a few weeks ago. Let’s be honest with ourselves – it wasn’t working for me. I was in a lovely mood all the time, but I was still experiencing anxiety and panic. I think I need more help than a primary care physician can give me, and I think it’s time to see a psychiatrist. Maybe he can find the right drug for me.

I am nervous about going to a male psychiatrist. I don’t generally seek out any males for any of my paid needs. My primary care physician, gyno, urologist, etc – all females. Even my hairdresser is female. Part of this is probably the feminist in me, in that if you can give money to female workers, you should. But the rest of it is about the sex abuse, and this is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. I don’t like being around men, especially in rooms alone with men. And that is generally what happens when you pay them to fix you – it requires time spent alone with them.

I dread the part where I have to tell him my fucking story. How many people do I have to tell what the fuck has happened to me?

It’s almost getting comical, really, all the people that I have hired to fix what has been done to me. It almost reads like a shitty joke: “How many people does it take to fix a Butterfly?”

3 Comments so far
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Yup, she sounds really inexperienced. She’s supposed to bring up her own feelings about your gunk with her own therapist/supervisor. Sounds like she was getting plugged in about your stuff instead of hearing you. The experienced people are expensive, but it’s worth it.

This might not work for you, but I’ve been getting acupuncture and it helped the anxiety a lot. I don’t look at the needles (practice with denial can be helpful sometimes…), and the first few times I brought my partner for company and safety. I liked that it was balancing my system in a way that had a shot at being long term and I didn’t feel drugged.

My partner and I have seen a psychologist who did imago relationship therapy, which we found helpful. We saw her for a few months at a time, a few times over the years. The guy who invented the imago method is on record as being a bit homophobic/sexist, but it doesn’t seem to have tainted the method particularly or our therapist weeded that part out. He has a book called “getting the love you want”. Our therapist did a good balance between ‘how does your childhood gunk fuel the current marital stuff’ and ‘how can you be better to one another/do your homework’. Most importantly she did not take sides. It was among the hardest work I’ve done, with lots of opportunities to step up and take the high road instead of blaming or doing the same old fights, but we both felt it was well worth it and it actually changed the dynamic between us.

Comment by sworddancewarrior

I’m sorry that this happened to you. She sucks. It is too bad that there are so many people who are this self-centered who actually believe that they can work in a healing field. Well they can, they just can’t assist anyone in healing. She sucks.

I’m so glad that you were mad and then that you got rid of her lame ass.


Comment by kate1975

[…] lessons. I suggested it to the huz as an alternative to marital therapy. I have had enough of the marital therapy for now. And I figure that dance lessons are cheaper than therapy, and if they don’t work (in […]

Pingback by Reason #100: Ballroom Dance Lessons « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

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