Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #61: Mustaches and Beards
March 25, 2009, 2:38 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

I met my husband online almost 7 years ago, and we got married about four and a half years ago. Since we met online, we didn’t actually see each other in person for a while before meeting for the first time. In preparation for our first meeting, I asked him if he had any facial hair. He didn’t know it, but this was one of many many tests that I gave him during our courtship.

I have an inner dialogue about men with mustaches and men with beards. It’s my own theory as to the kinds of men that choose to have each type of facial hair. (By the way, my husband was clean-shaven at that time. During our dating, he went through a period of goat-tee, which I have no theory on.) Anyway, he told me he had no facial hair, and asked me why I had questioned him about that.

I explained my theory to him. Men with mustaches can be jerks, whereas men with beards are generally good-natured people. I know there are exceptions to this rule as I have met men with mustaches who are not necessarily jerks. But generally, there are men who have mustaches and are pricks, and there are men with beards and they are kind.

See how that works? In my head, all men with mustaches suck and I don’t like them, and I am inwardly afraid of them right off the bat. I am willing to take each one on a personal basis obviously, but still in my head they suck until they prove me otherwise. You know why I theorize about certain types of men? You guessed it. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We find all sorts of ways to shun people who have even the remotest possibility of hurting us. Sometimes they don’t even have the remotest possibility of hurting us, and still we shun them in our heads before getting to know them because we know the possibilities of what can happen. Because these possibilities were actualities that did happen to us already.

When I explained this whole theory to the huz — (not the ‘why you shouldn’t fuck kids’ part, just the facial hair theory)– he said “My dad has had a beard his whole life.” Sure enough, when I met his father, it was like kindness and gentleness radiated from that man. He is absolutely one of the nicest men I have ever met (with my husband being THE nicest). 🙂 Now his father having a beard and being a nice guy doesn’t prove my theory, but I’m just saying when you look through the men in history, look at who has had a mustache or beard and how their personalities were. Hitler (mustache). Santa (beard). You get the picture.

2 Comments so far
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I laughed when I read “Hitler (mustache). Santa (beard)”! Seems like irrefutable logic to me.

Comment by sworddancewarrior

I like your theory.
What is your theory on someone who has both, doesn’t Santa have both?
I like your theory. My ex boyfriend had both and he was abusive.
Peronally I now go with cleanshaven are good men, but I’m sure there are plenty of examples even just among Hitler’s men that would disprove my theory.

Comment by kate1975

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