Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #70: Stanley and Iris

I was up late last night, too late, because I couldn’t relax enough to sleep. Stanley and Iris, one of my favorite movies, was on tv last night. I was able to catch the end of it.

In this movie, Robert DeNiro plays an illiterate man (Stanley), and Jane Fonda plays this woman (Iris) that teaches him how to read and write. In the movie, DeNiro is a whiz at building all kinds of things, like contraptions that make cakes cool faster. Anyway, there’s this part in the movie where DeNiro lets Jane Fonda see what he built. She’s amazed, and she says “How can you make something like this when you can’t read?”

He answered her with this: “When you put a man in jail, or you put him in solitary, sometimes he’ll draw pictures on the wall with a spoon… sometimes he’ll train cockroaches. This is what I made in my prison.”

All of us fucked kids are in our own prisons, unable to get totally free. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. Something always reminds us what you did to us, and so we find ways to pass the time in our prisons. My friend SwordDanceWarrior, for instance, is planning a sacred ritual sword dance for when her rapist dies so that she can dance on his grave. Her rapist is her father. My friend V gets cancer and heals from it in his prison. My friend OnionGirl is just starting to share her prison, so the rest of us can understand her jail. My friend AudaciousAria is brave in her prison.

This blog is what I am making in my prison until I am free. There’s a scene in Good Will Hunting where the best friend character (Ben Affleck) says to the adult-abused child character (Matt Damon) how his best time of day is the 10 seconds that it takes for him to walk to Will Hunting’s house from his car, because he hopes that Will won’t be there. He hopes that Will would just take off and live his best life somewhere. I hope someday there are no more new entries in this blog, because it would mean that there are no new reasons how my life has been fucked up by surviving child sexual abuse. I worry that I will be 83 and still writing in here. 83 years is a long time in jail.

5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

[…] Reason #70: Stanley and Iris […]

Pingback by Reason #72: Passover « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

I have to say Amen. We are all in our own prison. I have said those words “my prison” to people and they don’t “get it”. When adults fuck us, they condemn us to a life sentence, a life sentence of confusion, pain, anger, frustration…I could go on and on. Now I am not only in prison because of my torture, I am in a prison of cancer that’s slowly shutting my body down organ by organ. Sometimes I think about getting cancer, and sadly what comes to my mind is this — “At least I will die early and not have to live into old age in this prison “Dad” built for me”. *Sigh* It’s sad that I think that way, but it’s true. I only keep up the fight to live for my loved ones and of course my friends (including the you and the other survivors I have met).

I really do hope that one day you DON’T have to write anymore, that you will be freed from your chains, your prison, but if you aren’t there is NO shame in writing until you are 83. I feel as long as our stories can help someone else out there feel less alone, then I guess it’s all worth it, right?

*Safe hugs to you*


Comment by murderousthoughts

The prison is a correctional facility, and even Red of Shawshank Redemption was afraid of being unable to live without it. It is like a crutch, but if this is a crutch that enables you to speak a little more bravely and think your fearless words, it is not something to be feared but applauded. May these letters find you well.

Comment by sandma1half

I understand his response, but I don’t understand her question. He didn’t have the support and help he needed to do achieve that goel.

Many survivors are in that situation as well. They are in prioons, put there by abusers, remaining there without the support and assistance they need to heal. Iris should never discount the importance of the support and help that help us all find the key to our prison and to slowly move out into a larger world of healing.

I too live in a prison. Thank you so much for sharing this film. It has some great images to keep in mind.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

[…] people have helped to create the jail I stay in.  However, I only have hatred towards her: the babysitter.  She was the first one – the one […]

Pingback by Reason #197: Hate « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: