Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #84: The Occupational Therapist

My son gets occupational therapy once a week. Like his father, he doesn’t really talk a whole lot, so he also gets speech therapy once a week. I like his speech therapist a lot. She does a great job with my son.

The occupational therapist, on the other hand, scares the crap out of me. I was staring at her yesterday during my son’s session with her. I watch her very intently with my son. I watch the other therapist too, but with this one, my eyes are glued to her and my son, and I never leave them alone for a second. You could see why I would be afraid of people other than my husband and I taking care of our son.

Anyway, I was staring at her yesterday. She caught me staring at her, and looked back at me. I wasn’t sure how to act at that point, but I kept staring. I don’t trust her.

I asked myself why. Why don’t I trust her. Why don’t I like her. And so I was staring at her, trying to figure it out. I thought about it. Maybe she reminds me of the babysitter? I have no conscious memory of that babysitter, but maybe she reminds me of her? I thought about it some more, and I realized, she is around the same age that the babysitter would be now, since she was about 15 or 16 at the time of the abuse, so she’d be around 45 or 46 now. For all I know, this bitch could be that babysitter. The rational part of me knows that she isn’t, but still as I sat there staring at her, it was all I could think about. I don’t know that babysitter’s name or what she looked like or anything. I just know that some bad shit obviously went down to make me afraid like that for the rest of my life.

Maybe I am afraid of this occupational therapist because of what that babysitter did to me. Or maybe I am leary of her because something about her makes my survivor vibes go on full alert. Either way, I don’t like her. I know what you’re thinking – why don’t you change the OT to someone else? Because I’ve tried and have been unsuccessful and my son needs the services and in reality she hasn’t done anything wrong. What exactly would I tell these people? “I have a bad feeling.” Great, and then they can call the head doctors for me.

You know, if people without histories of child sexual abuse had bad feelings about someone, everyone says “Well maybe something about them makes her have bad feelings about that person”, but when a survivor says it, everyone is like “That’s just because you have been abused and you think everyone is an abuser.” You’re damn right that’s why! I know for sure that shit like that really happens when no one is looking, so you’re right, I think that a lot of people are abusers that you wouldn’t give a second look to.

She looks at my son for a second too long. Finds reasons to touch him, even in front of me. Pats his head, tickles his body. Don’t touch my son, bitch. Everything’s all innocent like that. “What, I was just tickling him.” “What, I was just patting his head.” They all say shit like that, rationalize and justifying their shit, like you can fool us for even a second. Come on. You can fool the non-abused, but us?? You can’t fool us. You’ve already fucked us. We know how it starts. All innocent and pretty, with a tickle and a pat, just like this bitch is doing with my son. Maybe it is innocent, but even that babysitter who fucked my brother and I – she started it with “Do you want to play a game?” And my brother and I were so small, and I bet we thought her game was innocent the way everyone else’s game was innocent with us until her. Until she took our innocence and broke us forever with her fucking games. This is why I stare at my son’s occupational therapist, and why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

7 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I agree with you that intuition and a creepy feeling is something that survivors are more in touch with than non-survivors. If she creeps you out, you don’t need a reason, other than that.

I don’t like people being touchy feelling with me, especially if I don’t like or trust them. Actually those are usually the ones who are like that. And I do tell them and explain that they are touching me outside of what is necessary and I don’t like it and that they need to stop, especially chiropractors. Not surprisingly they don’t stop and it usually takes several visits of repeating myself to get them to do so. That is totally a disrespect of my boundaries.

Can you tell her not to touch your son like that? Or go to her boss, if she isn’t the boss?


Comment by kate1975

Butterfly, trust your instincts. You are protecting your son and you will always be there for him. I am sure you have been through a lot of therapists before, and it is your right to choose which personality you want your son to grow up to learn from. I hope you can take some pride in the decision you make and learn to trust whomever it is that is creating the most progress for him. Unless this therapist is making great strides for your son, I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t look to other therapists. Good Luck, my love.

Comment by sandma1half

First off I am going to say this, you are fully justified in how you feel, survivor or not, I hate when people tell us we are over protective or we just “feel something” because we are survivors…Secondly, if your gut instinct tells you something is wrong, then something IS probably wrong, oh she may not be a molestor but something about her isn’t right for you and your son. Always trust your instincts, I have learned this one the hard way, way too many times!

*hugs to you*


Comment by murderousthoughts

V! It’s so wonderful to hear from you!! Was getting very worried. Thank you for commenting!! 🙂

Comment by butterflysblog

I wanted to say four things:

1) I’m sorry to hear about your headaches.
2) The title of this blog is awesome.
3) Your honesty is amazing and breathtaking. I always get a bit peeved when people tell me that, but it’s true.
4) Best of luck on your journey of healing. I know that sounds very lame and hokey, but I don’t know how else to phrase it.

Comment by pastaqueen

[…] Judaism, proof of G-d, spirituality, survivor of childhood sexual abuse Today, my son’s occupational therapist came in wearing a shirt that said “We are in G-d’s favor” (except G-d was spelled […]

Pingback by Reason #110: We Lose Our Sense of a Greater Good « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

hey- just found your blog searching for OTs- wow, you really don’t need to justify feeling creeped out by your therapist. OT’s are trained to be “client centred”- to centre treatment around the needs and special circumstances of the client. In your case the “client” is not just your son, but your family unit and that includes you. No-one (NO-ONE) needs to be tickled or head-petted or inappropriately touched in any way to get OT, and your OT does not need to do this to deliver her services. I hope you can find the strength to trust your instincts and demand this woman or her boss take your concerns seriously. She may be entirely innocent, but she still needs to stop touching your son in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you need support, go to your national professional organisation- they can get the OT to stop (AOTA in USA, BAOT in UK). Good luck.


Comment by claireot

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