Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #85: Blowjob guy
May 6, 2009, 12:42 am
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I was 26 when I first got serious about dating men. The first guy I dated, I halfway fell in love with. I was totally enfatuated with him. The biggest problem with him, however, was that he very seriously wanted to fuck me, and not in the disgusting shitty way that people fucked me when I was a child. He wanted to have sex with me consensually, which would have been a nice change from what I was used to. Before our first date though, I warned him that I was a virgin. I told him that any kind of sexual activity would have to come REAL slow with me. He said he was fine with that. Now, at the time, I didn’t know just how slow that was, and he didn’t either. But I understood by that point that I was slower than most anyone else I knew.

By our fourth date, he got pretty upset with how slow we were going. Meanwhile, I had been congratulating myself on how fast we had been going. I mean, he saw my bra, how much faster did he need to go? That is when he came out with this lovely gem: “You should at least be blowing me by now”. Nice, huh? I laughed when he said it. I had no intention of blowing him or any other guy, and especially not by the fourth date. He eventually broke up with me because he felt we were moving too slow.

I was terrified of sex. Terrified, really, of penis. I fantasized about men, masturbated to fantasies of men, but couldn’t actually DO anything with men. Fantasies are one thing, but in real life, my understanding of men was limited to my brother and father, both of whom didn’t take no for an answer in the worst possible ways.

Blowjob guy broke my heart. He was not the first relationship I had had that said things like that to me. The whole time I was dating him, I tried to be this carefree Butterfly, this one who is free with sex. But the truth is, I was this Butterfly, the one who was betrayed by family members and babysitters, and molested. And I couldn’t trust him or anyone else not to do such things to me. When he broke up with me, I spilled the beans to him and told him why I couldn’t fuck him. It didn’t change his mind.

I am very very grateful that it didn’t work out with blowjob guy, because it left me free to marry my beautiful husband who was willing to wait through two years of dating me to make love with me. And we had a lot of false starts along the way. I mean condom on and ready to go and me saying “okay, let’s do it, wait, wait, NO I can’t do this, no don’t!!!” And him saying “Okay baby, no worries, we do it when you’re ready, we take it at your pace”, and me crying and him holding me, and this happening many times even since we’ve been married. And though I don’t really know for sure, I bet sex isn’t supposed to involve a lot of crying and tears and scary images in my head. I bet sex for the non-abused is all about wonder and exploring and excited nerve endings and what not. And this is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


8 Comments so far
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I am still on that road to serious dating. Not quite there yet, I’m afraid. So believe me, at 36 years old today, I understand what you mean by taking it slow. Emotionally I have always been a slow caterpillar at relationships and am wondering if now finally my social life has reached it’s full pupation stage. We all have areas in our lives that get stunted by our personal traumas, and I have to congratulate you on being able to write about it so courageously. You are a blessing, and your voice is inspiring. Keep up the good work and don’t give up on your sex life. There will be better days for you, same as all of us. I hope to hear about it. 😉

Comment by sandma1half

I think you are very brave to talk about this.

I am glad that you have a good man who is willing to let you decide.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Butterfly, I’m sorry to hear about blowjob guy, he sounds like an insensitive creep and I’m glad you’re rid of him. I went into a relationship in my late teens that turned abusive. That hell continued for six long years. I haven’t really been able to go to the relationship thing again since then. I’m hopeful there will be better days, though.

Comment by kerro

Scary images in the head during sex are the worst. Blowjob guy was a creep. Gees. Good for you for not giving in and going through with it anyhow, that’s what I did sometimes.

Lots of people don’t have sex till after they’re married, not that I think this is a useful way to go, but still, 4 dates is nothing.

Comment by sworddancewarrior

Even though it hurt and he broke your heart, I agree that he was a creep and I am so glad you didn’t give in. You held true to yourself and claimed what was yours and what had been taken from you –the right to choose when, where, and with whom.

Comment by All Time Love

First I have to say, when he said that to you, you should have said “Sure ok…” when he exposed it to you, you should have lopped it off with a dull knife. How fucking shitty, abused or not abused no woman should be treated like that. Geez. That guy was an idiot, so I guess it was good you didn’t “do anything” with him!

It’s funny how victims of abuse can go so many different ways with their sexuality. I went the total opposite…when I was in my 20’s I was fucking like crazy. I think since my abuse was still ongoing I wanted to be in control of WHO touched my body and WHEN. So I just went out to the bars and things and went wild. That ohly lasted about 3 years though.

I figured out along my sexual journey that even though I thought I was controlling my sex life, I wasn’t. “Dad” was still there in my mind, ruling my sex life, things I did, things I couldn’t do because they trigger me. It’s still that way sometimes, but I am slowly learning to push him out of my mind, out of my bed…even though he still won’t leave me alone.

I am so glad you found your husband, there ARE some guys like us out here in the world. The kind, gentle ones, ones with compassion. You are very lucky!!

*hugs*

~V

Comment by murderousthoughts

[…] I was dating blowjob guy, he told me a story about how he knew some guy whose daughter was now a teenager and wore bikinis. […]

Pingback by Reason #129: Incest Jokes « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

It makes me angry how much people have devalued love and sex to the point where it becomes an expectation. Sex shouldn’t ever be an expectation, even after marriage. I’m glad he didn’t stick with you. It might have gotten worse.

Comment by TreatInfamy




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