Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #87: What are you thinking about?
May 13, 2009, 12:09 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

The huz and I have a nightly routine. We put the baby to bed, and then sit on the couch watching shows we recorded on our TiVo for the rest of the night until we are almost passed out from exhaustion. It’s not a great thing really, but I think we both find comfort in the routine.

When we are both almost asleep, we go upstairs to bed. When we get up there, the huz lays down and is instantly sleepy. I am in a dark room and instantly more awake than I was all day. I look around the room and begin my nightly ponderings. Did we lock the door to the house? Did we lock the door to the bedroom? If someone got into the house, would he come upstairs? If someone gets into our bedroom, can we get to the baby in time? What exactly would we do? How would we handle that situation?

Every night, the same shitty thoughts in my head. When the huz reaches for me in those first few minutes, I can’t respond because I am panicked. I try and move his hand so that I can concentrate on the answers to these horrible questions. Last night, I lay there staring in the dark, and the huz quietly asked “What are you thinking about?” I patted his hand and didn’t answer.

This is what I am thinking about, and this is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

3 Comments so far
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I know that you might have written about why you sleep in the dark, but I can’t remember. I know that people sleep better and more deeply in the dark. But if you are this affected, and I can relate to this, perhaps you could sleep with some nightlights or a light out in the hallway or something like that. Sorry if this is a stupid suggestion.

G_d bless you.


Comment by kate1975

I can relate to laying sleepless, having intrusive fear thoughts at night. I wonder if in some way, they are memories. Not necessarily that anyone has broken into your house before but that someone startled you and scared you just as you were going to sleep in the dark and this is your body’s way of telling you it’s piece of it. Just a thought. I’ve been doing that lately with my night time stuff and it seems to be helpful.

May you always be safe and blessed, whether it feels that way or not.


Comment by sworddancewarrior

I think most of us survivors do these things at night. I know I do. It sucks and it makes for uneasiness. Usually I am so exhausted that even though my mind is walking through everything I did, I fall asleep, then I will wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, in a panic, “OMG did I lock the doors????”.

I hope it gets better for you…I truly do. You KNOW I care about you. I think of you often. *hugs*


Comment by murderousthoughts

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