Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #89: Bad Dreams

Everyone has bad dreams, so that alone wouldn’t be a reason not to fuck kids. But do ‘normal’ people have dreams where they are getting sexually abused? I don’t know. All of my relationships, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, family – all of them who weren’t abused don’t seem to have dreams like this.

To my conscious knowledge, my father has never raped me or had sex with me in any form. He molested me, but penetration was not among the molestation.

Last night, I dreamt that he was raping me on a nightly basis. I told my mom. She responded that I needed to be punished for talking about it. I screamed “What the fuck are you talking about?” and pushed her. She came to her senses and apologized. I said “I am not staying here any longer. We’ve got to get out of here.” She agreed and decided to help me leave/leave with me. While my dad was upstairs doing something, I began packing. I looked for my cell phone charger. I looked over at my mom and she had some boyfriend’s business card out. I realized then that even though she wanted to help me, she was going to look out for her own needs first. Then I woke up.

I think I understand the theme of this dream, as while the rape did not occur in real life, my mom’s response kind of did. When I told her about my brother, she stopped it immediately. When I told her about my father, her response was to “cover myself up around him”, as if what I was wearing would entice my father into molesting me. I am his daughter. I could have been wearing three overcoats and a snowsuit and he still would have wanted me to be his wife. Should it matter what the fuck I am wearing?? What kind of father is attracted to his own daughter?? Even if I was walking around naked, shouldn’t it have been his responsibility to say “There are boundaries in this house, and one of them is that we don’t walk around naked in front of each other. Please go put some clothes on.” I know I’ve said this before, but even if I had said “FUCK ME!” to him, he should have been repulsed by the idea and have said “This is inappropriate. Let’s get you to a therapist.”

After a few months of me trying to evade him, he finally threatened to kill her, and she left him. She only saved me because she needed to save herself. My well-being a byproduct of her failed marriage. I think that’s what my dream was getting at.

Fucked up dreams. That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


9 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I’m sorry that you went through this. And this dreams sounds very hard to deal with. I know it would have upset me very much.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Hi Butterfly,
I also would have been upset by the dream, although it sounds like it gave you some valuable insight about your relationship with your mother.

Your description of your dream is so clear about the dynamic involved. I’m familiar with almost that exact betrayal by my mother and it took me a long time to get as clear. My mom finally left my dad because he was a bad husband, not out of any desire to help me. I had a conversation with another survivor this weekend and she said that if I ever had kids and saw how beautiful and sacred one’s own child is, I’d be even more furious with my mother for not doing anything and everything she could do to protect me. The dream might also be saying that even if (as was the case with me) you had been raped by your father, your unconscious thinks it wouldn’t have made any difference to your mother’s reaction.

Blessings to you.
SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

I agree with SDW about the insight. It makes so much sense about being a reflection of the dynamic involved (sorry to steal your words SDW, but they just make so much sense).

It’s sad that it takes a person affront to move one to protect their own child. I don’t want to get into it too much here on your blog, but I get it, Butterfly, and I am so sorry.

Comment by All Time Love

^^That should have read “personal” affront. Sorry. :/

Comment by All Time Love

[…] Reason #89: Bad Dreams […]

Pingback by Reason #90: Low Self-Esteem « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

The night terrors, they suck. I dream of “Dad” EVERY night. I wake up so scared, physically hurting, because unfortunately I FEEL my dreams. After I realize he is fucking me or beating me, I get angry, so damned angry…I get angry that I can’t even sleep and get away from him. Our dreams should be nice, safe and happy, sleep should be a way for our minds and our bodies to REST from all the bullshit we deal with every day..

I am so sorry you have to have such vivid dreams. It’s honestly unfair. If I could take them from you, I would…

~V

Comment by murderousthoughts

[…] Top Posts Reason #89: Bad Dreams […]

Pingback by Reason #95: Bad Dreams of Adult Survivors Committing Suicide « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] I have had scary-ass dreams before, as a result of surviving child sex abuse and incest. When I dream about it, even sleep isn’t safe. But I am afraid to get up too, because I already know that life-while-awake isn’t safe either.  That is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  The scary dreams have a very real basis in what has already happened to us, and while most people can wake up and say “it wasn’t real, it was only a dream”, we cannot. […]

Pingback by Reason #170: Scary-Ass Dreams « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] is not my first rape dream, or even my second.  Not my tenth, not even my hundredth.  This is why you shouldn’t have kids.  We have […]

Pingback by Reason #174: Rape Dreams on Mother’s Day « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids




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