Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #90: Low Self-Esteem
May 21, 2009, 10:36 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

A lot of people have low self-esteem, not just survivors. But it is consistently reported in studies that survivors of abuse tend to have lower self-esteem than anyone else. “Self esteem” has become such a buzz word these days, it’s hard to take it seriously. But low self-esteem is a lot, and it can lead to a lot, like suicide.

I had a bulimic attack today. First time in a while, and I am sure it had something to do with my dream from the other day where my father was raping me on a nightly basis and my mother didn’t save me. As always after forcing myself to vomit the contents of my stomach, I was feeling sad and I had this thought: “Of course you’re sad, you’re a worthless piece of shit with the self-control of a gnat.”

And then I thought about those words. Worthless piece of shit. I mean, really, come on – no one is a worthless piece of shit (except for people who justify the fucking of children, of course). If someone else spoke such horrible words to me, I would be sad for days. When I say them to myself, I accept it as truth and believe it.

When kids are fucked, we believe we are worthless pieces of shit. That babysitter, I am sure, didn’t give a shit about me. I was another child in what I am sure is a long line of children that she fucked. And somehow in my 35 years, I have come to believe somewhere deep down that I am worthless. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

3 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I think that your vomiting is a normal reaction to the horrific and triggering dream you had. It would upset and unbalance anyone. Vomitting, though it is awful, was used as a coping mechanism for what was unsurvivable and uncopable. I understand your reaction. But I also know that the truth is that you were doing the best that you could manage at that meoment and that too is a part of healing.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

Hi Kate,

Your comment was so compassionate and exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much.

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

Ok, my internet decided to drop out on me after I wrote a nice long comment haha. I can’t remember everything I said, so I will say this:

It seems all survivors end up with low self esteem and it seems all of us have problems with coping. Some vomit, some cut, some become promiscious, etc. It’s something we all have in common, self loathing. We can’t see in us what others see, it’s just a fact. We can’t help it. It just is. So I will tell you what I see in you….

You are a survivor, you are strong, compassionate, kind, caring, loving and a beautiful soul. You were coping when that happened, you were doing the best you could at that moment in time, that’s it. *safe hugs*


Comment by murderousthoughts

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