Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #96: Pee Pee dreams

Do you ever have those kinds of dreams where you are peeing, and then you wake up and you really have peed in your bed? That’s what almost happened to me last night, but thankfully I woke up just as I was about to actually pee in my bed. I am grateful to have woken up before I wet my bed, since I am a 35 year old woman, but as I woke I had the oddest feeling of betrayal. I felt betrayed by my body, my mind, my dream. I felt as though all these entities conspired to make me almost pee in my bed, and I felt so betrayed by it all.

After that babysitter molested my brother and I, and my parents divorced, I began wetting the bed. I was five. It’s a pretty common reaction to trauma, so I am not embarrassed about it happening when I was a child. I am embarrassed when it happens in adulthood though. This seems to come up every time things happen to me.

When my husband proposed to me, I had a pee pee dream a few months later, and I did wet the bed. Thoroughly embarrassing, and I only told my best friends about it. I think it was my way of reacting to that level of trust and love that I was being asked to have with my then-fiance, now husband. I guess it happened to me now because of stress in my life right now.

Now, everyone has pee pee dreams (I think?), so that alone would not be a reason you shouldn’t fuck kids. But the feeling of betrayal that comes with it, this is a reason you shouldn’t fuck kids. We survivors of childhood sexual abuse understand betrayal on the most intimate of levels, and we think everyone is out to betray us. Including ourselves, apparently.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hi Butterfly,

I agree with you.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Hi Butterfly – “we think everyone is out to betray us”. Sadly, this is too too true. Do we ever get passed this? I hope so, although sometimes it’s hard to believe.
Take care Flutterby.

Comment by kerro

Hi Butterfly,

Coincidentally, I was writing up a spreadsheet form that helps me gauge my health by first asking if I’ve peed myself today. This is a big indicator to me of my stress level, and I’ve come to accept that when I’m feeling overwhelmed, like when I’m at the ATM because I feel anxious about putting money into a grey box, that I will need to either count backwards and put up with that feeling or just not do it. Today, I decided not to deposit a check because I knew I was feeling anxious. I drove home and continued to count backwards on my way to the door, another place where I tend to feel anxious because I don’t like to worry about getting in fast enough.

I hope that some day these reasons become days of blessings.

Comment by sandma1half




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