Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #110: We Lose Our Sense of a Greater Good

Today, my son’s occupational therapist came in wearing a shirt that said “We are in G-d’s favor” (except G-d was spelled with the “o” in the middle). That shirt gave me pause for thought. First of all, wearing a shirt like that means that one feels totally safe in the world. I mean, I can’t imagine wearing such a sentiment on my body because it’s inviting G-d to say ‘No you’re not. You’re not in my favor, actually.”

I have so many of the things I really really wanted out of life – a baby, a husband, a home. I thought ‘Maybe I am in G-d’s favor.’ But then I thought about what happened to me before I met my husband, before I became an adult. Was I not in G-d’s favor when I was less than five years old and that babysitter decided to fuck my brother and I? Was my brother not in G-d’s favor?

I had always had a good relationship with G-d until I started coming to terms with the abuse. I can’t help but wonder where G-d was during all that.

But then I think about all the good things that I have gotten – my husband, my baby, my home – I mean, none of this would have been possible without G-d, right? My husband doesn’t believe in G-d because it can’t be scientifically proven. I am not sure I need proof. No one believes me when I say my dad was a weird pervert, and there’s no real proof of that except my words. The huz is willing to take my word for it on my Dad, but not on G-d.

I think belief in G-d swings on a pendulum for most people. We believe sometimes, we don’t other times. But for survivors, it’s a whole different flock of geese. We know for sure that evil exists and can hurt us, and we can’t help but wonder where G-d is during our pain.

Now my belief in G-d borders on fear because I now believe that G-d will not stop bad things from happening, though I believe that G-d will hold my hand through it. I think. And that’s the fucked up part. Whereas the thought of G-d was always a comforting thought, it’s now mired in fear. And I think that’s fucked up, because if anyone should be fearful of G-d, it’s people who fuck kids. I mean, shit, if anyone’s going to hell, it’s people who fuck kids. They rationalize it, but deep down they know they’re doing wrong.

I am afraid of G-d. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


5 Comments so far
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I also don’t believe G-d (in my case Goddess) can stop people from doing bad things to others but will support me in my life. I believe that she supported me even then.

I’ve been pretty mad about that too, but now I’m more at peace with it. I’m not okay with all the bad stuff that happens, but I’m okay that it seems that we human beings have to learn how to stop it ourselves.

I never would have chosen to be abused but now that it’s happened I’m going to choose to see it as a challenge and a rite of passage. That’s my way of making meaning of it. I think that since I’ve had to learn to be strong and powerful in ways others haven’t that that gives me something valuable to offer, that perhaps the world needs, and maybe even will turn out to be worth the cost paid. If there is a meaning to this suffering, that might be it for me.

I know of lots of survivors who’ve done valuable things for the world – like Oprah, who made it possible in pop culture for people to talk about real feelings and experiences – or like my friend who died recently who was an activist, or even like me – I’ve done some valuable things in my life that I think were made possible by what I learned by resisting and becoming a warrior from the abuse.

I’ve talked to a few survivors about their spirituality, and most of us have something that gave us strength and kept us going during the abuse, whether we called it G-d or something else. I think we do better and are less afraid when we have something to have faith in.

I think you have valuable things to contribute to the world too. I don’t know how I would cope with all the panic/intrusive fears and behaviours stuff you are fighting – you’re very brave just doing your life. Maybe someday what you learn overcoming them will be your gift to the world.

Blessings to you,
SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

SDW,

What a beautiful way to look at this. The last sentence of your reply makes me think about all of this in a different light, and gives me great hope. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

This reason really got to me. It really made me cry hard. I’m sorry that you are at this place, but I know that it is a place that every survivor has been at. It is a great reason why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

I think that I am halfway healed in this area. Still working on it hard. I don’t think that we can look around the world and not think that G_d is not there for people, earthquakes, starvation, abuse, murder, etc. On another level I believe and feel that I am not alone. And that G_d loves me in a way that is healing.

I am so happy that you have good things in your life. I believe that you will have more as well. You are a wonderful person and you do impact the world and help others to heal, to see their own truth, and to keep going. That is a wonderful gift to the world.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Thank you so much for posting on this. I never stop wondering “where the f*ck was G_d when I was a child?”

As I grew up I found less and less room in my life for a g_d. How could he (or she) allow so many awful things to happen in the world, and in my life?

Now that I’ve started my healing journey I can see that one day there might be room. Perhaps not for G_d in the traditional omnipotent monotheistic sense, but in a power of the universe sense. I also wonder if SWD is right and that we each have within us a special strength, a special sprit that got us through, and will continue to help us now. Part of me is stuck wondering what the purpose of that strength is now… but that’s getting too existential even for me.

Thank you so much for sharing this and helping us all to realise we’re not alone.

Hugs to you. Safe ones.

Comment by kerro

[…] Reason #110: We Lose Our Sense of a Greater Good […]

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