Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #111: There but for the grace of G-d

I was in a meeting today where someone said “I hate it when someone says ‘There but for the grace of G-d go I’, because it implies that the person that the bad thing happened to was not graced.”

Given my last post about G-d, I couldn’t help but think about her statement. The thing is, I am famous for that particular sentence. I am always saying “There but for the grace of G-d…”

I never thought about it the way that woman said it, but I can’t help but wonder what in her life might have inspired such a comment. She didn’t ‘seem’ like a survivor to me, but then what the fuck do I know. Everyone shocks the shit out of me.

I have been feeling guilty ever since I wrote my last post about G-d, because I have always been someone who has tried to bring people closer to G-d, not farther away, and I worry that my post will bring someone farther away. To me, that is akin to taking away hope from someone, and I think hope is so important, dare I say the most important thing.

The thing is, it’s okay to speak up about your feelings, especially to or about G-d. G-d is G-d, He can handle it. My husband once said to me “Imagine an infinite amount of patience and an infinite amount of love and an infinite amount of wisdom, and you’d still have only a glimpse of what G-d is.” (Mind you, he said that when we were dating, now he doesn’t believe in anything.)

Feeling guilty about speaking out against G-d, feeling worried that I might take away someone’s hope because I know I what it is like to only have hope or only have G-d to comfort me. The only reason I feel guilty about this is because of my firsthand experience surviving the process of healing from child sexual abuse and incest. I am not done healing, by any means. I keep a fucking log of reasons why you shouldn’t fuck kids, each one detailing a moment in my life where this abuse has fucked me up. I remember, and sometimes visit, the dark hole that seems endless. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

2 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I can’t speak for anyone or accurately say how anyone else might feel after reading your last post or your blog in general. But I know for sure how it impacted me.

I did not feel less hope, I felt more. I did not feel farther away from G-d. I felt closer. I did not feel less love for other survivors and the world, I felt more.

I think you touch others with your blog. And in a good way.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

I agree with Kate. A person who is worried about whether or not they have offended someone by suggesting that person has less grace at one particular moment or another is to me already a bit nasty. After all, starting a sentence with “I hate it when…” is very selfish especially when the objective is to shut someone up.

I was just reading a book about Nasty people and how not to become one. It’s opened my eyes some to subtle tactics that people use to make you feel powerless. In this book, Hitler is mentioned as having been Nasty, and it brings the whole ethic of “blame” into the worst of mind-fucks. The book itself is a bit of a Catch-22 seemingly being about blaming the Nasty ones, the ones who invalidate us, but in the last chapters, it tells us that there is no such thing as an invalidator as much as there is no such thing as an invalid. There are only points in time in which someone has tried to invalidate someone else. The objective is to stay in the relationship without getting hit with insults.

“There but for…” is only as bad a statement as “Good-Bye” can be. There is an art and beauty to the words you choose; don’t let anyone dare take that away from you.

Comment by sandma1half

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