Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: agoraphobia, babysitter sexual abuse, fear, post-traumatic stress disorder, survivor of child sexual abuse
If I leave the house at all during the day, it’s a sure thing that when I get back I will be frightened. It also unfortunately means that the huz has to check long and hard in the closets, under the bed, and in dark crevices for intruders. The other day, I didn’t leave the house at all. When I was getting ready for bed, I thought to myself how great the night would be, how this would be the first night in so many where I wouldn’t be afraid.
I walked into the bedroom and the huz hadn’t gotten there yet. I immediately felt that familiar panic that sets in when we are going to bed at night. I sat there anxious until he got there.
I probably should have realized that since every night of the last 30 years (since that babysitter fucked my brother and I) has scared me, there’d be no reason for this one not to scare me too. I had a false sense of security because I didn’t leave the house all day. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment
Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids 
I hate how fear gets conditioned into spaces, so that if I’m afraid in a certain situation once, it ‘helpfully’ reminds me the next time that I ‘ought’ to be afraid there again. When I’m not feeling my best, I spend half my time telling these ‘helpful’ voices to not bother. Exhausting.
May you be feel and be safe in your house and in your life.
Comment by sworddancewarrior July 25, 2009 @ 7:15 amSDW