Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #119: I bet this is what it was like for you
August 21, 2009, 12:52 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

The other night, my husband and I were over at his parents’ house. We all had dinner outside, and then his dad lit some sparklers. The baby absolutely loved them. He was clapping and enjoying and laughing, which of course made all of us clap and laugh and enjoy.

My husband was standing to my left, and my mother-in-law was standing to my right. I looked at my husband and said “I bet this is what it was like for you growing up, huh? Nights like this where the whole family gathered and special things like sparklers.” My husband said “Yeah, they were always doing stuff like this.” As has always been the case whenever I see functional families, I felt that familiar feeling. It’s not jealousy or envy, just a sense of ‘we never had nights like this’.

There’s this author, Steven Gold, and he theorizes that for sexually abused kids, it’s not just the sex abuse that fucks us up. It’s the fact that we come from the types of homes where shit is so dysfunctional that it allows sex abuse to happen (whether it’s incestuous or not). The sex abuse becomes just one of many fucked up things that have happened to us, and we are reacting to a whole life of people betraying us, letting us down, turning their backs on us, letting us get abused. I couldn’t help but think about that when I was standing there with my husband, watching our baby enjoy his first fireworks display. It wasn’t just the sex abuse – our home was rife with strife, and big on dysfunction. But the sex abuse was constant personal betrayal that made me never trust in good things again.

My mother in law looked at me, and maybe she could see my tears in the darkness. Who knows. She has no idea what went on behind the walls of my home. Anyway, she said “Now you have your own family, and you’re going to have all those nice things.” I hadn’t thought about it that way, but it’s such a nice idea, isn’t it? It’s so enticing. I was raised in shit, but I hope my son is not raised in shit. I wish I believed with my whole heart that this is my life now, but I don’t. Always is the ever-present thought that all this can be taken away in a second. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

2 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I think you are right. All the good things are missing. There is nothing there to help fill us up inside and we have to do that for ourselves. I am glad that you are seeing that you get to do that for your son, for yourself in your own new family.

I don’t have a new family but I am trying to do the same thing.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

I agree that lots of good things were missing for us; buried in the general dysfunction that pervaded every hour of every day. But, I love what your mother-in-law said. You can create a new family and a new and positive way of functioning. You can’t erase what happened to you, but you can stop it happening to your child, and give him many many happy memories of his childhood.

Comment by Kerro

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