Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #122: All or Nothing Thinking
September 14, 2009, 1:24 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

The thing about survivors is that we get very black and white about things. Everything is all or nothing, with no shades of gray. People are either good or bad.

Since my only continuous memories of abuse involved males (my brother and father), I assumed that all men were bad. I mean, I was willing to take each one on a personal basis, but for the most part, I considered them all to be bad until they proved they weren’t bad. Guilty until proven innocent, in other words. It wasn’t until I started earnestly dating men that I realized that some men have the same sorts of issues that I have, in terms of nervousness around the opposite sex, scared of being rejected, etc. That realization helped me understand that not all men are bad.

Then when I met my husband, he helped me understand that not only are all men not bad, some are actually good. This realization was/is at odds with my tendency towards all or nothing thinking. For instance, I have trouble believing that people who fuck kids are ever truly rehabilitatable. Pedophiles will never stop wanting to fuck kids no matter what shit you put them through. That’s why they are safer behind bars. As for child molesters who are not pedophiles, I don’t know, I tend to be pretty black and white about them too.

It’s pretty common for us survivors to think that since one person hurt us (or in my case, three people), all people will hurt us. I view everyone with a suspicious lens until they’ve shown me they are not willing to hurt me. And even then, I trust them only as much as I can allow. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. We think everyone is out to hurt us.

2 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I understand that approach. I struggle with black and white thinking sometimes still. For me anyone who has sexually abused a child is not redeemable as far as being a human being or deserving a personal freedom. I think that all physical abusers of partners and children should be shunned by society. I think that rapists should be locked up for the rest of their lives. I guess for me some black and white thinking is okay.

I’m glad that your husband came along and was able to show you that not all men were bad and that some were even good.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

I am also one for black and white thinking, though I’ve noticed that lessening in some areas over my months of therapy.

Funny thing about survivors, we always think people are mean by nature and out to get us. Though I’m really glad your husband came along to show you that’s not always true. 🙂

Comment by Kerro

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