Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #123: We forget large parts of our childhoods

I spent some time with my family this weekend because it was Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year). Happy 5770 to all my Jewish followers. Anyway, my family was showing some old home videos of me and my brother and cousins when we were little.

The videos were painful to watch. I was embarrassed for my husband to see how I used to be. That butterfly. I have worked so hard to become this Butterfly, and I was just so embarrassed for him to see me like that.

The astonishing thing was that on these videos there were holidays, birthdays, all kinds of memorable shit. I have no memory of any of these events. Frankly, I was shocked to see myself and how I looked, because I have no memory of that either. Hard as I tried to recall any of the events on those home movies, I can’t recall one fucking thing.

I realized a while after the videos were finally turned off that in one of the videos I would have been about the age I was when my brother started molesting me. When I was staring at the moving pictures of myself on screen though, it was like I was watching someone else. While I understood intrinsically that these pictures were obviously of me, I just couldn’t connect with that person.

It’s like my child self is a total stranger to me. While this may sound like nothing, it’s actually kind of big. Think about it. All of who we are now has been a formation of who we were then, and our memories of our experiences through our lives, and our memories of ourselves as we were then. I don’t have that. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


3 Comments so far
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I’ve always been privy to the home movies my parents took of all of us kids, so they have never been a shock. I do, tho, find myself looking at my child self and always comparing HER age to an age of horrid abuse. It never ends.

What did your husband think of the home movies? Was he shocked? I hope not and I’m sorry that you were upset about them.

Comment by Ivory

I agree with you. It is a big thing. It is robbing us of ourselves. It is cruel and it is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

How icky to have this experience among people I’m assuming who you couldn’t be real with about what was going on?

I hope you can send love to Little Butterfly. Myself as a little girl sometimes has and sometimes still does feel like a stranger to me, but mostly she feels now kind of like a daughter or a little sister, and loving her heals me.

Comment by sworddancewarrior




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