Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #126: Yom Kippur

Last night, my mom and I went to Yom Kippur services at our local temple. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement. It is a time when Jews atone for their sins against their fellow humans, and against G-d. For the ones against G-d, we apologize to G-d. For the ones against our fellow humans, we apologize to them.

I spent the entire service crying. I am just so scared all the time, and I need G-d’s help. May G-d forgive me that this is what I prayed for on Yom Kippur. I asked for help for myself, which in my own eyes is a sin. Yom Kippur really isn’t a time to ask for help, it’s more of a time to apologize for all the wrong shit you’ve done to everyone and G-d.

Since I was already apologizing, I took my husband aside and apologized for all the times I have been shitty with him (like critical or short with him, etc.). I apologized to G-d too, for feeling far away from Him lately.

The Rabbi’s sermon was about hatred, and how hatred is a sin. He talked about those idiots in Kansas who hate in G-d’s name, and go around protesting funerals because they think that G-d rightly ‘killed’ those people as punishment for all of America accepting gayness. The Rabbi said that not only do we need to accept the GLBTQ community, the very idea of hatred for hatred’s sake is wrong. (It’s a reform temple.)

I thought about it though. Hatred for hatred’s sake. May G-d forgive me, as I have been feeling some hatred lately. People who fuck kids are #1 on my shit list obviously, and I, like many people, hate them. The thing is, hating them doesn’t help anyone. Hating them doesn’t make any of us any safer, it doesn’t help those who have already been abused, and it doesn’t help those who are currently being abused. Hatred and fear are two sides of the same coin, in my opinion.

I hate that babysitter, as much as I fear her. I feel she did this to me. She is the reason I am so afraid all the time, the reason I can’t go to sleep until my husband has checked every dark place in our room, has assured me that the door to our room is shut tightly and the lock checked, the garage door closed and locked, all the fucking doors closed and locked, etc. She is the reason I embarked on this journey, the reason every family I look at is now circumspect when I see a father figure/daughter figure. I hate her. She did this to me. She broke me. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


3 Comments so far
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I feel the same way. Hatred is a sin. I think it is most importantly a sin against ourselves because it makes it so hard to heal and to live and to go on with our lives. But still I hate them.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Hey Butterfly,
As you know I’m not Jewish, but I’m wondering if your rabbi or someone who’s spiritual sense you trust might be a good person to talk to about the ‘praying for yourself is a sin’ belief. I think it might be possible that G-d is happy is you ask for and accept support from G-d. I think you might feel safer if you worked out a way to feel like G-d had your back.

Just a thought, but what do I know?

About hate – I’m not sure I hate my abuser, but I think it’s only sensible and sane to express anger and to have razor sharp boundaries with proven assholes.

I think anger at G-d is okay too, personally. I think S/He is big enough to handle it and understand where it’s coming from.

Supportive and healing thoughts to you,
SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

I don’t necessarily believe that hatred is a sin. Both good and bad have to exist in this world. Without one, you can’t have the other. If we didn’t have bad things, we wouldn’t be able to tell what what was good. Without good things, we wouldn’t be able to tell what was bad. In this way, good can be bad and bad can be good. I don’t think God is pure good, or that the devil is evil, but God is simply both.

What happened to you was terrible. It is something that shouldn’t ever happen to anyone. But I believe that it has made you stronger. It had made you see the world in a different way from how others see it. Reading through these posts, I am amazed at how strong and confident you are (despite how you may feel about yourself). Your experiences have given you something you can share with the world. I know myself that reading your blog has really helped me.

Comment by TreatInfamy




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