Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #130: Exercise

It has been established elsewhere in this blog that I have a fat ass. I have determined that I am unsucessful so far at straight dieting, so I have decided that I need to exercise. I talked to the huz about it, and he said “That’s a great idea, we can bring the stationary bike up to the spare room and then you can have that room to exercise in.”

I said “That’s a great idea, but we would need to put a lock on that door first.” The huz asked why. And yet again I am brought face to face with another reason you shouldn’t fuck kids.

I can’t get lost in an activity like exercise without knowing that I am safely locked up in the room in such a way that an intruder would have to work hard to get in. I am positive that this has everything to do with the fact that I was an innocent child who lived in a safe world until that babysitter showed me that people will take every opportunity to hurt me, especially when I am not expecting it. Ever since then, I have always looked over my shoulder, expecting her or someone like her to hurt me in the worst of ways. And so now I need a lock on the fucking door in order to exercise.


4 Comments so far
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I’m sorry. I can understand why you would need to stay safe. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Good for you for knowing what you need. Feeling safe during exercise is a struggle for me too. If you feel up to it later, you can always just not use the lock. Have you thought about getting an alarm system? Then you wouldn’t have to lock the rooms individually, and if someone broke in, help would be on the way.

Blessings to you,
SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

I think as survivors, there are two barriers to losing weight, and I am sure you have been coming to terms with this more recently. It feels safer to be heavier because we don’t have to worry about becoming the object of someone’s typical sexual fantasy. This emotional security can be a terribly strong barrier unless you happen to be in a community of people who also find heavyset women just as attractive. The other aspect that I enjoy about being overweight is that I feel stronger just being heavier, physically able to stand my ground when pushed. So there are two mental barriers for me when it comes to losing weight. I think that the first issue for me would be to believe it is possible to be the size I want to be. Sometimes it takes the momentum of a good example or a really positive event to get me there. Good luck with your weight loss.

Comment by sandma1half

I had to smile at the “fat ass” phrase. I am in possession of one as well (don’t know if it is from the jewish or black side of the family!).

I agree with SDW, maybe there are additional steps to take to feel safe.

Honey, have you ever worked with anyone as far as the panic, maybe had someone you could meet with at home and kind of work through some scenarios with them?

Comment by PhoenixAscending




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