Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #135: Gratitude for surviving
November 26, 2009, 4:12 am
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This year, at my Thanksgiving table, when we go around the table listing the things we are grateful for, I am going to list you guys, my readers.

I am grateful to be alive this Thanksgiving, and I am grateful that you are too. Every one of us that survives and transcends past our abuse is another one on the right side of this war. Just by the fact that we are alive, we are letting them know that not only have we won, but we will make sure they lose. This is the kind of stuff I think about when I start thinking about stuff I am grateful for, and so it is a reason you shouldn’t fuck kids.

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for you.

Reason #134: Not wearing gloves in the winter

It’s winter, and it’s getting cold out. Most people wear gloves when it’s cold so that they can keep their hands warm. I don’t wear my gloves, and here’s the reason: If someone attacks me, the police can get his DNA from under my fingertips when I scratch him. Plus, there would be physical evidence on this man’s face/body of the fact that I put up a struggle and fought him, thus showing that this was against my will. If I were wearing gloves, I wouldn’t be able to get his DNA, and then there would be no proof that this crime was perpetrated onto me, the way there is no proof of anything that babysitter did to me (or my dad or brother too).

I am reasonably certain that had neither of these three people fucked me when I was a child, I would be happily wearing gloves in the winter. This thought process of scratching his face for evidence wouldn’t even be a thought in my mind had I not experienced the abuse of my body as a child. And plus I would have warm hands now, as an adult. Cold hands due to the inability to wear gloves in cold weather. That would be reason #134 why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Reason #133: Forgiveness Bullshit
November 11, 2009, 2:58 pm
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Always when a survivor begins speaking about her trauma of incest or childhood sexual abuse, someone inevitably brings up the concept of forgiveness as a means towards wholeness. What a bunch of bullshit this crap is. I mean, if survivors feel the need to forgive their abusers, then I am totally on board with it. What I am not on board with is other people saying we need to forgive.

Whenever I hear someone tell me some shit like that, all I hear is “I am uncomfortable with all of this, and if you forgive your perpetrator, then you will be done talking about it and I don’t have to hear it anymore.” They no more have my interests at heart than the perps did.

Just to be clear, I am not at all against forgiveness. For people who need/want to forgive, the act of forgiveness can bring some much needed healing. For people who don’t need/want to forgive, nobody should be pushing them into that shit.

In order for true forgiveness in any situation to even be contemplated though, three things have to happen:

1) The wrongdoer must apologize to the person he has wronged.
2) The wrongdoer must be truly sorry.
3) The wrongdoer must never do it again.

In most cases of childhood sexual abuse, if we were still kids now, they’d still be fucking us now. It’s only because we outgrew our little bodies that we were allowed to be freed from the abuse. So why exactly should we be forgiving people who have not apologized, are not sorry, and would still be raping us if we hadn’t had the fortunate circumstance of growing bigger as a natural result of age.

In those circumstances, I say fuck forgiveness. See how hardened my heart is? That ain’t right. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Reason #132: Self-soothing bullshit

All the ‘experts’ say that babies need to learn to ‘self-soothe’ themselves to sleep. We’ve had sleep problems with my son, and everyone in the world says to let him cry it out, because “eventually he’ll learn”. Yes, it’s true that eventually he will learn that when he cries, mama won’t come running. But let’s break that down a bit. If he was an older child, and he was crying at night because he’s afraid of going to sleep by himself, it wouldn’t be right to leave him alone to figure it out. If he was an adult, and he was crying, shouldn’t we all take notice?

But somehow because he’s a baby (now a toddler), the world feels that I should let him cry. Well, I think that is disgusting. And I cannot help but think of all the nights I cried because I was afraid to go to sleep by myself too.

Yesterday, I read this article by Roland Summit called “The Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome”, and one of the lines in there really struck me. It said something like “Bed covers take on magical properties against intruders”. That is just so fucking true. I have always used my bed covers as though they could protect me from the kind of shit that had happened to me.

I never did learn to self-soothe. This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

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