Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #144: I trusted them too
January 12, 2010, 1:45 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

I was sitting in our marital therapist’s office today, because today was my alone session.  She asked me to picture my panic when I am panicked with my husband.  I have written about these sorts of panics many times here on this blog (for instance, see Reason #114).  Anyway, she asked me to picture it.  She said “Does it feel real to you?”  I started to cry.  Yes, it felt real.  Too fucking real, so I started to cry.

She asked what was happening inside for me that was making me cry.  She said “What about the situation with your husband makes you panicked and makes you question whether or not he’s a serial killer, or anything else bad?”

I said “I had three abusers.  I trusted them too.  They weren’t supposed to hurt me either, and yet they did, and I was surprised by it.  And I don’t want to be surprised by my husband’s betrayal too.  So I keep guarding myself against a betrayal from him.”

I keep my guard up, and that way at least I won’t be surprised by it when it happens.

Constantly on guard with my sweet husband.  This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


4 Comments so far
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Dear Butterfly,

I am sorry that you experience such a high level of hypervigilance around the one person you want to be able to trust so much. You were very little and it was common as a little vulnerable child to trust others. Now you are an adult and are a much better judge of character and still your trust has been broken and wounded. I do believe that in time and in healing you will find the trust in him that he has earned by being so sweet and trusthworthy. I can well understand why you feel this way.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Butterfly,
I am so sorry you are going through this, but you are going through and that implies an end in sight. I am sending my most heartfelt and warmest thoughts to you both..

Comment by PhoenixAscending

He must be a very sweet guy. My husband left me when he found out I’d been sexually abused. I’m so proud for you that you are working thru this with him – you both deserve it.

Comment by Ivory

Yes I know that fear. Much less often than I used to because of many years of hard work together, but I have know it all the same. Tender thoughts for you.

Comment by vickiinaz




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