Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #148: Arguing with the therapist
January 25, 2010, 1:37 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

So, this week the huz and I went to our marital therapist’s office, and it came up in conversation that our son’s crib is still in our bedroom.  The therapist’s reaction was so visceral.  She was like “He has to be in his own room!”  And I said “Why?”  She said “Well, you’re not having any sex.”  I said “Well, we weren’t having any before he was conceived either.”  (Seriously folks, when we knew we wanted a baby, we made a concerted effort to have sex 3 times, and thank goodness, one of those times was successful.) 

Her reaction made me feel ashamed though.  The thing is, we were ready to move him to his own room a long time ago.  But he would scream and cry for hours, and I just didn’t feel right about it.  I remember all too well what it was like to cry myself to sleep, and I don’t want my son to have that memory too.  Plus, I think we all know how I feel about cry-it-out bullshit.

You know, in the wild, no sane animal puts her young out to sleep far away from her.  I have seen enough human animals in my lifetime to understand why this is so.

Anyway though, that argument with the therapist made me feel weird.  I am not ready to give up on her yet, but now I need to find my balls and talk to her about it when we go back to her this week.  I felt judged, and it made me feel vulnerable because she knows my sex abuse history.  This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

6 Comments so far
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Wow. I hear you. My daughter spent only 2 weeks in the same bedroom with my ex and me. She never cried about it (at that age). I don’t believe in letting a baby ‘cry it out’ either, I hope you find a solution…

Comment by Ivory

Good for you!! I am sure she will welcome this communication if she is worth your time!!

Comment by vickiinaz

Sounds like a terrible knee jerk reaction on her part. But her training, awareness, knowledge, and memory of your circumstances should all have told her not to have such a terrible knee jerk reaction. It is not okay for her to judge you and it was wrong of her to react that way in a judging and inappropriate manner. Good for you for wanting to discuss this with her. You both deserve more compassion and less judgment from her. Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

Hi Butterfly,

I think your therapist was right for the wrong reasons. I don’t really think that a marriage like yours is strong because of the importance of your sex life but because of your commitment to each other and your baby.

However, I do think that your baby needs to learn to be as independent as he can be, and he can do this by knowing how secure your love is for him. I am not asking you to let him cry alone in a dark room. Maybe try talking to him from further and further away until he is able to know you are still thinking of him, and he is still safe. I’m not going to have all your answers, and I’m sure you have thought of this already and plenty more.

I hope you have an easier time with this therapist and your marriage. It sounds like you’re doing a great job, and any one would be lucky to have as strong & patient a mother as you.

Comment by sandma1half

You know, the funny thing is, we actually agree with the therapist that it is time for him to have his own room. Her delivery of the message, and her feeling that he should have ALWAYS had his own room is what I took exception to.

Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

I would take exception to that as well. Most babies around the world are in their parent’s room the first year of their life and often longer.


Comment by kate1975

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