Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #153: No one said a word
February 16, 2010, 1:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

One summer when I was 20 and pretty suicidal, I went with my aunt and cousin to a local pool.  We sat there with my aunt’s friends.  I took my shirt and pants off, and sat there in my bathing suit.  I had very recently cut my legs up, and there were angry red criss-crossed scabs all over my legs.  I was sitting right next to my aunt’s friend, and that woman stared at my legs pretty hard.  I knew what she was looking at, and I felt uncomfortable.  I am not sure if she understood what she was looking at, but I could tell she was uncomfortable too.  No one said a fucking word.  The whole thing was so surreal.

I often think about that day.  How could all these people see my legs and not say one word to me?  It’s kind of like with sex abuse – you know good and damn well that people suspected that shit was happening to us.  But no one said a word.

This is the after-effect of surviving child sexual abuse. We cut ourselves and it shows on our legs when we are trying to just spend a day with family at the pool.  That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

6 Comments so far
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This touches me in so many ways. I have an alter who cuts (not for a while tho, I’m happy to say) and I have had a lot of trouble with it. My T once told me that should I ever see cuts on someone, I should ‘say’ something, if it wouldn’t attract attention from others. I didn’t think I could, but I did, and after reading your post, I’m very glad I did. — the young girl worked at the local Dairy Queen. I touched her arm and she didn’t even attempt to remove it from me and I told her I knew how she felt and that I was very sorry for the need to do it. She just smiled and never said anything. I’ve worried all these months that I might have offended her. Thanks for posting this, it brings me some relief.

Comment by Ivory

I too am frustrated by this fact. I know that there were neighbors that saw my mother beat me, family members that knew my parents were starving me to force me to exercise, and ignoring other signs…poetry of mine about sexual acts from a young age, hyper-sexual behaviors, etc. It sickens me to know people saw but never said anything.
PEOPLE NEED to learn how to use their damn mouths when they suspect something may be wrong…no matter how abstract the proof or not. Thanks for sharing butterfly. You continue to nail all of these reasons well. Keep it up.

ang (Journal of Healing)

Comment by journalofhealing

I had this same problem. The year I tried to end my life (not once, but twice), there were dozens of the typical warning signs. I had poor grades, I missed a lot of school, I had no friends, I had recently changed schools, I was bullied in multiple classes, AND- and this makes me incredibly angry- I even went to a teacher and told him I wanted to kill myself, and they sent me to a counselor once and then nothing happened. It is amazing how obvious my problems were, but the support system did absolutely nothing for me.

Comment by TreatInfamy

Dear Butterfly,

I’m currently taking an autobiography class at my school, and I feel that this would be a valuable resource and an example of what words can achieve. Would it be okay with you if I shared this with my class?

Comment by TreatInfamy

Hi TreatInfamy,

Sure. I am chuckling at the thought of this being discussed in class though, because I am imagining the reaction when you tell them the name of the blog. Thank you for the smile.

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

Hello dear Butterfly,

I read this post some time ago. It made me feel so sad and confused. I didn’t know what to say. But I came back to say I’m sorry no one said anything, that your family members couldn’t try to offer some kind of support and love. I’m sorry they were silent. I don’t want to be silent. I want you to know that I am here. I am on your side. Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

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