Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #154: Not being able to sleep in
February 19, 2010, 3:42 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

My husband and I have a deal whereby he gets up with the baby on some days, and I get up with the baby on other days.  On the days he gets up, he knows to lock the door to our room so that I feel safe.  One time he forgot though, and I woke up and found the door unlocked and had a panic attack over what could have happened.  Ever since then, if I am not awake enough to hear the click of the door lock when he leaves the room, I have trouble sleeping.  Usually I just get up right after him and check the door lock myself and then go back to sleep.

Today, I woke up about 15 minutes after he left, and I wanted to sleep a little longer.  The huz had already left the room, and had presumably locked the door.  Wait, did he lock the door?  (Stare at the door from the bed.  I can’t tell from here.)  If I get up and check the lock then I might as well get up for good.  If someone broke in here, it would be my fault for not checking.  He probably locked the door, I guess.  Usually I wake up whenever he moves, so when he gets out of bed, I am awake enough to hear the click of the door.  Not this time, unfortunately.

In the end, I decided to just get up since I couldn’t sleep while worrying whether the door was locked or not.  This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

3 Comments so far
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You wrote “if someone broke in here, it would be my fault for not checking”, and this appalls me. This is in direct opposition to your stand against women who allow themselves to believe they are at fault for enticing their rapists. With this logic, it would also be your husband’s fault that you don’t feel safe. With one hand you are writing some of the most sacred, life affirming words, and in the other hand carries a difficult shell of rituals that shield some of the most painful memories. Thank you for painting such a vivid picture of your survivorhood, and I hope to hear you’re sleeping better soon.

Comment by sandma1half

I think I disagree with the comment up there. It seems, butterfly, that you are using this place to point out the horrific side-effects of abuse. I can relate to your Reason 154, and many of them. I appreciate your honesty here, and how you are explaining how you are plagued with what you KNOW are related triggers to your abuse. FUCK the ABUSERS for FUCKING us up…I agree, you know? I just wanted you to know that I hear you and what I find most appalling in all of this is that abuse happens.
Thank you for sharing your journey, and i look forward to hearing you right where you are on your journey without expectations. Waving at you from one road over on my own journey…ang

Comment by journalofhealing

Sleep eludes me a lot of the time and safety around it and being in bed and abuse… it is all tied together and nothing rational helps and that is the aftermath of abuse. I think that you are so brave. So very brave to write about all of this and to not feel you have to censor what you are feeling or doing and just put it out there. You have courage. Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

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