Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #155: Sunk Costs

The huz and I were talking about a concept he learned called “Sunk Costs”.  Apparently, in Corporate America, this term designates the costs already spent on a project.  These costs are already sunk into the project and spent, and according to the experts, you should not factor these costs into whether or not you should continue with the project.  In other words, if you’ve already spent $155 dollars on a project, but you feel like the project is going nowhere, don’t spend another $155 on it just because you’ve already sunk money into the project.  I guess it’s kind of like what all our moms have already known: Don’t put good money after bad into a failing project.

While he was explaining this concept to me, I couldn’t help but think about the costs I have sunk into being a survivor.  Now, it’s not my fault that the abuse happened to me, and it’s kind of not my fault that I survived it.  Or maybe it is my fault that I survived it, since I had opportunities to kill myself and didn’t take them.  Actually, that is very much the point.  Suicidality was one of my sunken costs of surviving the abuse.  There are now 155 sunken costs into this survivorhood project called my life, and unfortunately, I fear there will be 155 more costs sunk into surviving.

Dissociating and surviving the abuse was one thing, but the truth is that surviving child sex abuse necessitates sunken costs.  I cannot help that I am afraid of the dark or that I can’t sleep in, or that I need three blankets and a sheet to sleep at night.  All the therapies in the world haven’t helped me with these costs, and I am at the point now where I don’t think I will ever have a time where I will live free of fear.  These are some of the costs associated with surviving my abuse, and I bet if you asked any survivor of abuse about his/her costs, she’d be able to list a bunch too.  The thing is, unlike a corporate project that you can abandon even though you’ve spent a lot of money on it, I am unwilling to abandon my life.

It kind of reminds me the book “Nuts” by Claudia Reilly. (This book was made into a movie by the same name, with Barbra Streisand. Great movie, and also, incidentally, the subject matter is an excellent example of why you shouldn’t fuck kids.)  In the book, the title character Claudia is a prostitute whose john tries to kill her.  She defends herself and ends up killing him instead.  When she discusses her thoughts on the matter, she says something like “He can take my body, my breasts, my vagina.  But G-d-dammit, he cannot take my life.”

I guess that is how I feel about the costs I have sunk into surviving this abuse.  It’s true that I have sunk a lot of costs into surviving child sexual abuse now.  And if I have anything to say about it, I’ll be sinking a lot fucking more.  Because I’ll be alive.  And that alone will mean I am one of the lucky ones.  That is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

5 Comments so far
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Amen, and Amen, Butterfly. I like this thought. If it is ok, I may mention it on my blog. I’ve mentioned you before…and this just might be worth me exploring also. I will reference you as i did before. Keep fighting. I don’t believe I am a sunken cost in the eyes of my Higher Power, and I also believe that about you. ((you)). ang

Comment by journalofhealing

YES! Yes Butterfly, we are the lucky and blessed ones who have the honor to stand and use our voices so those who did not make it didn’t die in vain. It is an honor to stand with you.

Comment by vickiinaz

Your life is worth any cost.
Also, I will have faith for you that you will live more happily with lower anxiety.

May it be so.

Comment by sworddancewarrior

But isnt the point that the project (your life) isn’t sunk?

The wonderful thing about human worth is, you can’t put a dollar cost on it. You cannot measure how you affect the world and what mark you leave on others. You just have to keep going and hope for the best.

Comment by TreatInfamy

Hi Butterfly,

I love this:

“It’s true that I have sunk a lot of costs into surviving child sexual abuse now. And if I have anything to say about it, I’ll be sinking a lot fucking more. Because I’ll be alive.”

Way to go. Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

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