Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #169: The Trauma Dictates
April 22, 2010, 12:59 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

So we’re sitting in our marital therapist’s office, and she says we have to take little steps to get my husband and I back to fucking each other.  She suggested that we take each other’s hands and arms and massage them for 15 minutes.   We had to bargain DOWN to hands and arms because our first assignment was back massages, and I got all fucked up and panicky and I couldn’t do it.  So, now the assignment has been relegated to hands and arms.

She looked at me and said “Butterfly, if you feel yourself getting at all anxious about it, stop everything immediately.  Do not be a martyr about this, because what we are doing here is stirring up your trauma, and if you don’t like being touched, you don’t have to be.  You are the one who decides if you want to be touched or not.”

I could hear, implicitly, what she wasn’t saying.  I am an adult now, and I get to decide who touches me the way I couldn’t when I was a little girl.

Then she said something interesting.  She said “This whole time, the trauma has dictated your sex life with your husband, and our whole goal in this therapy is to stop the Ménage à trois with you, your husband, and the trauma.” 

The truth of this statement hit me like a lightning bolt.  Really, when I think about it, the trauma has dictated every part of my life.  Safety is always my primary goal, due to the trauma.  And everything I do, from not wearing gloves in the winter to checking under the bed every night to the kinds of outfits I wear so as not to attract attention – the trauma has dictated all of this.

Fucking kids is traumatic.  Some of us end up killing ourselves from the trauma of it all, and some of us survive.  In either case, the trauma dictates.  That is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

NOTE TO SURVIVORS OUT THERE: If you feel like you have no hope and that suicide is the answer, please consider calling this 24 hour hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.  Many many times in my life, I considered suicide.  I am grateful every single day that I was never successful in ending my life.  It was worth not killing myself to be alive for all of this.  Please call.

8 Comments so far
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Sounds like you gotta damn good therapist there, Butterfly. I adore mine, and that is exactly what she has said before. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing, love your blog as usual, and appreciate the time you are taking to heal in front of us.


Comment by journalofhealing

I totally understand and I’m so sorry for your pain. I linked to you in my post. I hope that’s okay.

Comment by 1janedonut

I’ll never get the hang of this wordpress thingie.
Anyway, that’s me in the above comment.

Comment by 1janedonut

Hi – Thank you for the validation. I appreciate it. I think it’s horrible that we are all experiencing this, but at least now we know we are not alone.

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

Oh dear Butterfly,

I am so glad because this therapist sounds like the right one and she says the right things. I can’t imagine how stressful and anxiety provoking this must be. I am alone and find that challenging enough for me right now. You are so brave. Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

[…] Reason #169: The Trauma Dictates […]

Pingback by Reason #171: It takes a village « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] baby might not be in the cards for us right now for many other reasons, starting with the fact that we’re not fucking each other.  Unless a star appears in the East again, we need to start fucking each other to have a baby.  […]

Pingback by Reason #182: It fucks our partners too « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

I just started reading your blog the other day. Thank you for sharing so much of your life.

Have you ever seen those fingerless gloves? Would you consider wearing those? I hate to think of you with freezing hands all winter!

Comment by donteatthemangopeel

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