Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #172: The trauma dictates our job
May 2, 2010, 12:03 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

You remember I posted in this blog about my colleague, the one who used to cut herself?  Well, part of her job requires her to travel to certain buildings around the city. 

Another colleague was complaining to me about the fact that “Woman-Who-Cuts-Herself” doesn’t want to go to these buildings alone.  She said “I’ve been doing it for a long time now, and I haven’t had any problems, nor am I afraid.”

I thought to myself “Yeah, that’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  We get terribly afraid of going to places that you don’t even think twice about.”  Out loud, I said “Why do you suppose she is afraid?”  My colleague looked at me and said “I don’t know. I want to tell her to stop being such a baby.”

I was disgusted.  It’s not enough they have to fuck us, you have to as well?

“Woman-Who-Cuts-Herself” had already confided me in me that she had been raped by her boyfriend when she was a teenager.  When you are on intimate terms with evil like this, you get afraid to go to places by yourself.  Her job is on the line now because she is being forced to do something that makes her uncomfortable because of the fact that she has survived rape.

This could easily be me, and it usually is me.  Many, many times I am forced to do something that makes me terribly anxious because of what I have already survived.  This can be as simple as walking into my own home alone, or it can be as daring as doing something at night.  Since “Woman Who Cuts Herself” and I know for sure that people are willing to hurt us without regard to our feelings or our bodies, we also know for sure that other people might do this to us again.  Are we supposed to feel safe just by virtue of us being alive?  Unfortunately, the exact opposite is true.  The fact that we survived evil means that we are now damn afraid of the world and the people in it.  Consequently, we are willing to do anything to keep ourselves safe.  Even if this means losing our jobs.

For me, this living fear has always dictated the kind of job I am willing to get.  I have turned down jobs due to parking, for instance.  If the parking lot doesn’t look like something I will be able to walk through alone for whatever reason, I will not take the job.  This hasn’t happened just one time to me – it has happened many times.  And that is just one example of why I might not take a certain job.

I have a hard time taking night jobs.  I am afraid of the dark.  How could I possibly walk to my fucking car in the dark at night??

When I do have something I must do at night, I usually ask the huz to drive me to and from the event.  My husband, sweet beautiful man that he is, never shames me about it, and usually drives me around like a fucking chauffeur just because he is a nice guy.  If he can’t take me, then I have to make a bunch of different safety plans and worry and worry until the least scary plan emerges.  Least scary usually involves me shaking and breathing weird, but all the other plans would be worse, so I settle on that one.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  People may fool themselves into thinking that it doesn’t have lasting effects in tangible ways, but it does.  We don’t take certain jobs, and it limits our pay.


10 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

Another perceptive and accurate reason. For me my self-esteem has interfered with my getting better paying jobs or even trying to apply for them. It is awful to have to admit how much abuse effects us, but it is true. I don’t do a ton of things because of the dark, the evenings, the danger out there.

I hate it when someone says something like that, get over it, you’re acting immature, your a big baby. It happens way too much.It is all too common, people and their crappy denial.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

We have trouble with this too… currently can’t work due to the limitations the trauma places on life… for eample physical contact with ANY human is a trigger, swear words and louds noices are a trigger… and this is not counting the fact that I have agoraphobia :/

anyway, great post, you’ve highlighted a very valid point here that is often overlooked

Comment by shadowlight and co

I dont know if you will see this comment or not… this post was a while back. I found your site by accident tonight, and have read many of your posts. I understand too much of what you are saying. But this post in particular has somehow made me realize just how many of the things about myself that I see as screwed up about myself are not just me being screwed up. Thanks for doing this.

Comment by EmilyG

Hi Emily – thank you for commenting. This post meant a lot to me too. – Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

[…] is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  We know it fucks us up,  it fucks our job, and we know it fucks our partners, and apparently, it fucks our mothers too. Leave a Comment […]

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Pingback by Reason #313: Pyrrhic Victories | Reasons You Shouldn't Fuck Kids




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