Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #182: It fucks our partners too
June 30, 2010, 2:18 pm
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Last week, the huz and I were were at our marital therapy session, and the big topic of discussion was the fact that I want another baby, and I feel like he doesn’t. So we’re sitting there, hashing it out, when finally he began to talk about how he has so much responsibility since I am so afraid all the time, and everything falls on him. This is completely true. As most of my posts show, I am afraid of many many things, and this leaves all kinds of slack that the huz is either forced to pick up or let go. I don’t like the noise of the dishwasher, I can’t shower when he’s not here, laundry machine makes noise, etc. All these things can only be done when he is home, or not at all. Sometimes I do these things when he is home, sometimes he does these things, but the fact that they are timed for only the times when he is home makes the whole thing a lot more difficult.

Then there are the other ways he gets fucked. I am afraid to take the baby for a walk by myself, afraid to take the baby to the mall by myself, etc. The theme here is ‘by myself’, and since my fear stops me from doing these things, they of course fall to him or us together. The man never gets any peace, except for when I watch the baby here at home and he goes outside by himself.

The thing is, I didn’t know he felt so fucked up by all this that it was inhibiting us from having another baby.  Now, a 2nd baby might not be in the cards for us right now for many other reasons, starting with the fact that we’re not fucking each other.  Unless a star appears in the East again, we need to start fucking each other to have a baby.  Lately it seems like he’s ready for sex, and I of course am not.  Every time I think about trying to have sex, I get all fucked up and scared.  Not at all unusual for me, as this reason has come up several times in this blog.

So, to sum up, everything falls on him, and we’re not fucking each other. That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  You not only fuck us, you fuck our partners too.

Reason #181: Ancient Greece
June 21, 2010, 12:39 pm
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 You remember that colleague who argued with me about how some kids get fucked and are okay (when really none of us are okay)?  In that same argument, she also said: “It’s been happening all throughout history and it is still accepted in other cultures.” 

I like to call this line of thinking “the same bullshit that many pedophiles use when they tell themselves it’s okay to fuck kids.”

Whenever I hear people say that it is acceptable to fuck kids in certain cultures, I always think to myself “Yeah, and in those cultures, those kids are victims of rape, same as in our culture.”

Take Ancient Greece, for example.  The Ancient Greeks used to fuck little boys, turning history into cycles of pedophiles, and now everyone points to this type of example as ‘proof’ that some cultures think (or used to think) that fucking kids is okay.  The thing is, a lot of things used to be okay.  Like wife killing.  Or a modern day example, smoking.  Smoking was thought to be okay too until it was proven that it will kill you. 

The truth is, none of us were alive during Ancient Greece, so we can’t say definitively what happened there, but shit, I can take an educated guess based on the survivors of today.  And my guess is that they got as fucked up from their abuse as we do today.  Do people, like my friend, actually fool themselves into thinking this was not abuse??  That this was somehow the choice that those little boys would have made?  That just because adults said it was good for them, the kids weren’t fucked up from it?  Adults groom kids into sex abuse now too, same as they did then. 

If those Ancient Greek boys had access to computers and blogs, I bet one of them would be writing this as their 181st reason not to fuck kids too, because they too would have had 180 reasons before this one how the sex abuse fucked them up.

Reason #180: Bad dreams and shower problems
June 15, 2010, 12:09 pm
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We were leaving on vacation, so I made sure to get some cash out.  I asked my mom to hire someone, and she did.  We let this woman, the one my mom hired, into the house.  Fairly soon, this woman pulled a gun out on us and told us to give her all of our cash.

All I could think when I woke up from this latest bad dream was that the person I trusted my mom to hire betrayed us.  This was, of course, yet another bad dream about that babysitter who molested my brother and I.  The babysitter I have no conscious memory of.  The babysitter my mom hired to care for us when she couldn’t be there herself.

I guess I am not going to get over any of this until I examine it from every fucking angle, and since I can’t make heads or tails of it while I am awake, sleep is a safer place to sift through this shit.

Since the dream is what I woke up from this morning, I subsequently couldn’t take my morning shower.  It kinda sucks because I feel smelly now, and will go to work feeling that way, wondering if people can smell me.  The huz always says I smell good, but who knows.  Does anyone else have showering issues due to the sex abuse?  Are there conditions upon your showers, such as not being alone in the house, or only at certain times of the day, etc.?

Shower problems and bad dreams are not new to this blog, and both happened to me this morning.  I like to sleep well, and I like to shower and be clean, just like everyone else.  I have a meeting at work today that I would have liked to smell good for.  The cost of showering this morning would have been the little bit of sanity that I am trying to maintain, so it is a cost I couldn’t afford today.  That is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Reason #179: “Other Kids Get Abused and They Aren’t Fucked Up

A co-worker and I were discussing the issue of child sex abuse, and I told her that I feel it is wrong, no matter what.  She told me that a friend of hers is perfectly fine as a victim of child sex abuse.  Apparently, for her friend, the only time her grandfather was nice to her was while he was molesting her. This did not surprise me, since the only time my brother was nice to me was when he was molesting me.  And then she came out with this: “Child sex abuse doesn’t always have negative ramifications”. 

This is akin to this argument that all of us survivors seem to tell ourselves: “Other kids get abused and they aren’t fucked up.  Why am I so fucked up?” 

Let’s look at this argument.  First of all – where are those kids?  Have you ever met an abused child who wasn’t fucked up?  I haven’t ever met one who hasn’t had trust issues galore, and other negative shit as a result of being a survivor.  I have, however, met lots of non-abused grown up kids, and they don’t seem to have any of the same issues I do.  They trust, they love, they live.  Not me, and frankly, not any of the survivors I have met in my life.

So then I think to myself “Okay, maybe they don’t have phobias and fears and what not”.  But really, how well do we know people?  Most people who know me would never know about my long list of shit (Exhibit A: every reason in this blog), so to them, I would seem like one of those kids that got fucked and is okay.  Clearly, however, I am not okay by any stretch of the imagination.  So, maybe her friend is fucked up and my co-worker doesn’t know it.

Then I think about “What does ‘okay’ mean?”, because okay for me is vastly different than what okay means for you.  Does ‘okay’ for my co-worker mean that her friend is not locked up in a mental institution?  They don’t lock you up for having trust issues.  If you are unable to trust your husband or anyone else, then you’re probably not ‘okay’ in my book either.  Plus, have you ever met a survivor who doesn’t have a completely distorted world view?  I know mine is completely distorted.  Even though only a few people hurt me in life, I think everyone has the potential for hurting me.  For instance, I was once riding in the car with my uncle, and I was so afraid he was going to pull the car over and rape me that I couldn’t breathe.  (He’s fine, not an abuser, and he has never harmed me in any way.)  When the car ride was over though, we both got out of the car, and we both appeared ‘fine’.  I was so fucked up by the experience that even though nothing happened, I resolved to never be alone in the car with him again.  I am sure he thought I was okay too.  He probably still thinks I am okay, just like my co-worker’s friend, since I don’t share this shit with him or most people.

Part of me wonders if my co-worker’s ‘friend’ is actually herself.  Lots of people use the ‘my friend’ thing when shit gets too uncomfortable for themselves, and I am sure that if it is her, she doesn’t feel close enough to me to tell me that she enjoyed her grandfather molesting her.  This is part of the normal child sex abuse paradigm though.  Think about it – all children need love.  If the only way her grandfather was nice to her was while he was molesting her, then I am sure she does look back on this time with her grandfather and think it was okay.  However, I can say for sure that my co-worker is not okay at all.  She is not well-liked, and she has not exhibited a great deal of empathy whenever we speak about troubling situations with other humans.

On behalf of me and other fucked kids, I would like to put an end to the argument that kids get abused and don’t get fucked up.  We have no idea if this is true or not, no study has measured “Are some of them okay?”  At the same time, no research has found that fucking kids is a good idea, since every single study on the subject has discovered that we get fucked up in some way from you doing this to us when we are kids.

The whole argument is akin to saying “Some women get raped and they don’t have PTSD”.  Is this true?  Yes.  There are women who don’t get full-blown PTSD as a result of rape.  But should you go around raping women?  No.  Even when they don’t get PTSD, they are still fucked up, and it is still a wrong and heinous act, much like fucking kids.  No matter what arguments you propose that make it okay for you to fuck kids, it is not okay, it is never okay, and it is always wrong. 

I think the worst part of this argument is that it makes me, as a survivor of incest and child sex abuse, question myself as to why I am so fucked up.  If other kids get fucked up and they are okay, how come I am not okay?  Then I remind myself that they aren’t okay, that I’ve never met any fucked kid who is okay, and that this whole argument is a lie to begin with.  It’s enough to be met with denial from outsiders, I shouldn’t have to argue it with myself too.  And I bet if you asked any one of us fucked kids if there are times when we minimize our experiences or call ourselves crazy, they’d answer yes.  That is why you shouldn’t fuck kids. 

I am worried about this post, because I am afraid it will be received wrongly.  But it’s my blog, and this is another reason that the sex abuse has affected my life, so I am posting it.

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