Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #187: Is this my forever sex life?

I was thinking about my sex life today. Actually, I was talking to my aunt about sex today, and it got me thinking about my sex life.

For me, the best sex I can hope for is the kind of sex that happens when I am not afraid.

Did you guys ever read “The Lovely Bones”? The book scared the shit out of me. It’s written from the perspective of a 13 year old girl who was raped and murdered. She watches from wherever she is, (not in heaven, not in hell, sort of in this weird limbo place), as her sister loses her virginity to her boyfriend that she loves. The dead girl thinks how different sex is for her sister, since sex for herself was all blood and horror whereas for her sister it is all love and flowers.

As I was talking to my aunt today, it became apparent to me that I was in a similar situation. For my aunt, sex was all love and flowers, and for me it is something to get through, something I know other people enjoy, something I think I should be doing, something that reminds me of my abuse and my abusers, something that I haven’t really found a way to enjoy yet.  This is, of course, why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  It makes perfect sense why sex wouldn’t be enjoyable for us, ever.  Our first experiences with sex were forced, not enjoyed, no matter how much these pedophiles convince themselves differently.  And now we are reconciled to a life of totally shitty sex, even when we love our beautiful sweet partners, as I do.

Is this my forever sex life now?  Or will I ever get to know of beautiful enjoyable sex?

3 Comments so far
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My therapist says we can know beautiful, enjoyable sex. I trust her, so I believe her, though I am yet to experience it myself.

Comment by Kerro

I’ve had beautiful, enjoyable sex. Not as often as I’d like, but I’ve had it. It’s possible. For me, it’s about learning to say “I’m not going there” to the flashbacky/abuse memory stuff, and proactively structuring the environment where I have sex to be as different as possible from where I was abused (different time of day, location, sounds, smells, lighting, positions etc…). Of course it helps that my spouse is a different sex from my abuser, but I’ve had decent sex with men too using the same strategy. It doesn’t always work, but it works. Keeping my emotional gunk tank cleaned out with therapy or a support group also helps too, so I can be open without worrying that all my pain and sorrow will come blasting out along with the love.

Blessings to you,

Comment by sworddancewarrior

I wish I had some advice, but I haven’t go any of the answers. I wanted to say that I think your blog is awesome. Your writing is articulate and matter of fact, and I’ve added you to my blogroll. Hope that’s OK.

Lola x

Comment by Lola Snow

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