Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #190: Dreams about the babysitter

Last night, I dreamed about the babysitter.  I was absolutely terrified of her.  She was mentally ill, and I was an adult, but I was absolutely terrified.

The weird thing is, the crux of the dream was about my mom.  It seems from the dream that my mom didn’t want to find her, or didn’t want me to know who she was or what she was about.

I woke up from the dream remembering that my husband was going to get up early today to go running, which meant I would be alone and afraid.

SwordDanceWarrior says that dreams are ‘free therapy’, just not as nice as a therapist would be.  Obviously this dream is trying to tell me something, and I am grateful for every new piece of information I have about the babysitter, since I have no conscious memory of her.  I could walk by her on the street and not know it’s her.  I could be living next door to her for all I know, for fuck’s sake.  As a matter of fact, this one time on Oprah, she had a man on there who just so happened to move next door to the guy who molested him when he was a child.  Isn’t that just the most fucked up think you have ever heard??  I mean, you know how hard it is to buy a house, how much shit you have to get through, how time and energy-consuming it is, and how how filled with hope the act of buying a house is – and then you get there, and your molester lives next fucking door???  Horrible.

I hate having bad dreams, but I am grateful for the information.  Part of surviving the abuse with no conscious memory means trying to reconcile myself with the fact that my memory might never return.  It might never feel safe enough to come back, which would mean a lifetime of figuring out why I’m fucked up.  A lifetime of terrifying dreams that are cryptic and have some basis in reality.  That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

2 Comments so far
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I’m with you. I want to know. I don’t like knowing there are whole chunks of my life that I have no coherent memory of, just fracments of emotion and sensation with no real story to them.

Is it possible your mom does know who the babysitter is but doesn’t want to deal with it?

Comment by sworddancewarrior

Hi Butterfly,

My intutive sense has always been that your mother doesn’t want you to know or to find out. I feel a lot of resistance on her part, and that doesn’t mean she is bad in feeling that. But I think it is important to you and support your right to make your own healing choices.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

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