Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #191: Can’t wear certain colors
August 19, 2010, 1:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

The funny thing about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is that unless you are actively attacking it, it will keep actively attacking you. Remember how I wouldn’t wear certain colors of underwear? Well, now I have expanded this mishegas into other items of clothing, and thus I won’t buy or wear certain colors of shirts or scrunchies (for my hair).  Some of my wardrobe is now good for shit because of this newest development in my fucked-upness.

In Judaism, the color red is considered to ward off evil.  So, obviously, red goes in the “can wear” pile. If I wear a blue shirt, or blue underwear, or blue scrunchie, I think something bad will happen. I feel like by wearing this color, I am telling the universe it is okay for something bad to happen. I don’t want to send that message out to the universe, so I don’t wear that color.  Think about it – when people say they feel sad, they say “I feel blue”.

Green, I figure, is okay because it usually signifies health.  Yellow is okay too – it’s the color of the sun.   Orange seems kind of bright, right?  Purple and yellow together are the colors of healing, a therapist once told me.  

As you can see, I have given this color thing a lot of thought. 

Sounds fucking nuts, doesn’t it? Of course it is fucking nuts.  These attempts of mine to ward off evil are absolutely fucking nuts, because if I had to psychoanalyze myself, I would say that I am trying to create an environment where I am certain that nothing bad will happen to me.  Or worse, that if something bad does happen to me, it won’t be my fault.  It won’t be because I wore the bad color.

This is what happens when you fuck kids.  We grow up believing that if we had done something differently, then we could have prevented people from taking advantage of us in the worst ways.  We spend the rest of our lives trying to ward off the kind of evil that has already happened to us, even to the minutest detail of the colors we wear.  The truth is, it wouldn’t have mattered what color I wore then, just as it doesn’t matter what color I wear now.  But it makes me feel better to only wear the ‘good’ colors, and to eschew the ‘bad’ colors, so I’m going to keep doing that.

1 Comment so far
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That’s a beautiful statement to open with, that you must attack OCD before it attacks you. I think that the fact that you analyze the colors you wear is very smart, and it has some healing aspects to it. This is good psychology for you to care how the light around you is affecting you, and it sounds like you are really in touch with the feelings it reflects onto you. Your attack on these colors is integral to your own relationship to yourself, and I think that the fact that you are owning these feelings is much better than a person who puts them out onto someone else. You are very responsible about it, and very cautious about the way you respond. I think that takes a lot of guts to take on all that responsibility. Thank you for protecting us with your innate sense of chroma-therapy. Thank you especially for being brave enough to say all this.

Comment by sandma1half

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