Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #201: Drugs to prevent PTSD

This weekend I heard about this hospital that was testing the effects of a pharmaceutical drug on child trauma survivors.  The traumas these children had survived were like car accidents, etc.  So, not the kinds of trauma that I was put through, but still traumatic nonetheless.  This pharmaceutical was given to these children as a means of staving off post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Before I go any further, I think it’s important to note that these children had been through traumas, but not human betrayal traumas.  Child sexual abuse is a betrayal trauma – we are traumatized by the act and the human betraying us by doing the act.  In a car accident, the betrayal aspect isn’t there (unless they were hit by a car on purpose, G-d forbid.)  However, being in a car accident is still plenty traumatizing, so I am not trying to minimize that stuff in any way.  I am merely pointing out that they probably chose that type of sample of kids for a reason – maybe they thought the drug would work best on a sample that had not been traumatized by betrayal.

So anyway, I thought about this drug being used on child trauma survivors, and at first I thought – wait, is this a good idea?  I mean, won’t this fuck with their memory of the event?  Who knows what the effects of such a drug is on such little kids?  Then if the kids want to bring their perpetrator to justice, the defense attorneys will crucify them in court.

But then I had a much more sobering thought.  If someone had offered me a drug 30 years ago that would have erased the last 30 years of pain for me, I would have gladly taken it.  I wish I had been offered a drug, frankly, that erased the memory of all of this for me. 

I got so angry at the whole medical and therapeutic community then.  I mean, shit, this terrible thing happened to me over 30 fucking years ago, and here I am still fucked up enough about it to keep a blog filled with the many ways it has fucked me up.  And really, what has the medical and therapeutic communities come up with for kids like me???  No drug has helped me.  No therapy has taken away my symptoms of surviving.  Nothing has taken away my fear, and really, I have tried so many avenues at this point.  So many therapists, so many group therapy situations, so many pharmaceuticals, etc. I have tried chiropractic work for my headaches, and that hasn’t been all that successful.  Biofeedback was a joke.  I tried holistic medicine as well for my panic disorders, and still nothing.  I can’t even count all the money that has been spent on my healing journey so far.  For all their fucking research, and my time and my money, I am still fucked up.

I guess the truth about child sexual abuse is that you just can’t unring that bell.  The damage has been done.  It cannot be undone now, which is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.  It dooms us to a limited world where the knowledge of the worst of things overshadows our hope for the best of things.  And for me and all the other survivors out there, it has forced us to look at the world through the lens of children who have been hurt by adults, and we measure everyone, everyone, everyone against those odds.

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