Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #218: Hot sauce and power

On Good Morning America today, they showed footage of a mother who used hot sauce to punish her child.  Apparently, the child lied to her, and as a result, she poured hot sauce on his tongue, forced him to sit there with it on his tongue, and then allowed him to spit it out.  She was arrested for child abuse.  Thank G-d.

And, of course, as with anytime we begin to think that kids are human beings in little bodies, adults come out of the woodwork to defend the abuser, and in this case, to defend the practice.  People feel this is a legitimate way to ‘correct’ children.

I think one of the many things that bother me about using physical means to ‘discipline’ children is that the people who do it always defend it like crazy.  It’s like they know down deep inside that what they are doing is wrong, and so they have to protest real loud (in a ‘me thinks though doth protesteth too much’ kind of way). Whatever your stance on corporal punishment is, let’s at least admit a few things about it. 

1) It happens because it can.  Kids are small, and we are bigger, and we can force them to sit there and we can force them to open their mouths, and we can force hot sauce down their throat.  No one forces hot sauce down an adult’s throat, and yet we lie every fucking day. (Research suggests that we lie every day, from little ‘white lies’ to big fucked up lies.)  How would this woman feel if someone bigger than her picked her up, put her on the bathroom sink, forced her mouth open, poured some disgusting shit in there, forced her to keep it there, etc.  No one does that to adults, because for the most part, we can fight back.  AND WHEN SHIT LIKE THIS DOES HAPPEN TO ADULTS, WE CALL IT ABUSE.

2) This is all somewhat encouraged by society at large, because there is a general feeling that adults should have power over children.

3) When violence is legal against any group of people, that is a really good indicator of the kind of power they have.  Children are basically powerless.  We are allowed to strike them at will.  Whether we use our hands to slap their bodies, or hot sauce to assault their tongue – people will defend this action.

4) People who have been hit when they were children and go on to hit their own children will defend this practice vigorously.  They usually say some shit like ‘It helped me’ or ‘Better by my own hand than someone else’s’.  Here’s a thought – how about by no one’s hand??  How about if we live in the kind of world where no one hits anyone else?  That would mean us not hitting our kids, and them not thinking this is an option when they have their own children.

Kids live in a world where their body is not their own.  They are powerless over their own body.  They even have to ask to go to the bathroom.  This ‘hot saucing’ example is yet another example of their intrinsic powerlessness.  This child had no choice in this assault on his body. If you allow children to be violated physically, you are creating a world where kids are free to get violated sexually.  Neither type of violation is okay, and both will cause a child to grow up into the kind of adult that is afraid (see all the 217 ways before this reason why that is bad), or homicidal.

You shouldn’t fuck kids, and frankly, you shouldn’t hit them or hot sauce them either.  If you hit a child, hot sauce a child, or fuck a child, you are doing it because you have power over someone who is powerless.  Would you put hot sauce on the tongue of your dog and listen to it cry?  Would you think that is right?  Why is it more right to do this to a child? Sometimes things are just wrong.  The way robbing a bank is just wrong.  The way hitting a child is just wrong, the way fucking a child is just wrong.

One of the things my therapist keeps working with me on is my feeling of powerlessness.  I am so afraid all the time, and she keeps urging me to get in touch with my ‘inner mama warrior’ or whatever.   Every time I have to leave my house, it is a fearful fucking journey.  And nighttime, inside or out, is anxious.  Sleeping has been ridiculous since that session with my mom, with the constant hypervigilant waking, and sleeping right next to the huz for even the smallest measure of safety.  All of this is about me not feeling like I have any power and control in my own life, my own sleep, my own feeling of safety.  This is all a result of me getting fucked as a child and surviving it, and that’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.


5 Comments so far
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I believe I saw this terrible mother on Dr. Phil a while back, as he was addressing her “discipline” tactics and everyone in the audience was of course horrified. It brought tears to my eyes, and that’s not just because I am a childhood abuse survivor. It brought tears to the eyes of many audience members. I am so glad to hear that this woman has been arrested for child abuse. I believe she also forced “cold showers” on her son as a punishment, and his cries of pain meant nothing to her. Her “punishments” are a perfect definition of childhood trauma.

It is as you say, children are powerless. When we are hot-sauced, cold-showered, or sexually abused, we have an internal battle of a war these adults just causally started.

Do they ever lose a night of sleep, I wonder. Again, I am glad this woman was arrested and not helped to “rehabilitate” other methods of discipline. She has done enough.

Comment by atria

Hi Atria – Thank you so much for commenting on this one. I, too, cried when I saw this. The child was standing there, so afraid, and his mom was so much bigger than he, and there was nothing he could do. He knew he was about to get abused and there was nothing he could do. Terrible.

Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

I agree with you that this mindset is wrong and generational. If society doesn’t change that mindset it takes each person to make that awareness that they survived abuse, to start to feel about that, to work on that and to come to the conclusion that they will break the chain of abuse. But society could and does change things by making laws and by enforcing them.

If we are going to be judged by how we treat the lessers of our group, well we are found wanting. So very sad. Even sadder that culturally we would not agree that it was okay to do that to a dog or other animal, but agree that it was okay to do to an innocent, vulnerable, and powerless child.

Little children cannot stand up for themselves, some literally, they are too young to stand. They need us and deserve us standing up for them. Thank you for standing up for them.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Hi Butterfly,
I didn’t see this video and don’t want to, but I’m glad the woman was caught for abusing her son. I agree that it makes no sense for adults to be condoned in doing things to a child that would be assault if done to an adult. It’s craziness. Hurting a child is assault plus betrayal.

May it end.

Parents don’t own their children, they are responsible for them. There’s a difference.

Blessings to you,
SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

Warrior – what a beautiful way to put it!! “Parents don’t own their children, they are responsible for them. There’s a difference.”

Comment by butterflysblog




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