Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #231: It Can’t Ever Be Like That
March 31, 2011, 12:11 pm
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My friend was talking about going to see her father, playing golf with him.  She was saying how much she enjoys being with him.

I said ‘Wow.  It must be  amazing to have such a relationship with him where you just naturally trust him and actually want to spend time with him.  I have never had that with my dad, and I honestly have no idea what that is like.”

She said, with deep understanding “Butterfly, it can’t ever be like that with your dad.  Your trust was broken in an irreparable way with him.”

That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Reason #230: Who has the power?

Remember when that ant fell on my head and it caused me months of panic and panicked sleep?

The fear of the ant has returned.

I talked about it with the marital therapist during one of our alone sessions last week.  I told her that my mom thinks that these fears are my way of coping with life stressors.  It has been a very stressful time, with the death of my father-in-law.

So I told her that I am scared that an ant will fall on my head again while I sleep.

She said “Well, what is the nature of the fear, exactly?”

I said “I don’t want things touching me without my permission.  And I sure don’t want it happening by surprise.”

She said “So, it’s kind of about control.  You don’t want things happening outside of your control.”

I agreed, and she said “Now what else is happening right now that is outside of your control?”  She looked at me pointedly.  Yes, yes, ha ha, I get it, my father-in-law died and I can’t control whether he gets to live or die.  Clever bitch.

Then she said the most ridiculous thing.  She said “Who has more power, you or the ant?”

I immediately said “The ant.”

She had the nerve to look surprised.  I guess she expected me to say me, as if I have more power than that ant?  I don’t understand that at all.  Of course the ant has all the fucking power.  I am sitting here not sleeping and generally hypervigilant and the ant is walking around happy as a clam.  That ant has 100% power over me right now until I figure out how to either be unafraid of the ant, or be okay with something touching me without my permission the way that babysitter touched me without my permission.

Then she tried to get me to understand that I have inherent power, or that I have power over the ant, which of course I do not have at all.  I have no idea what the fuck she is talking about, and when I walked out of her office at the end of the session, I thought “Great, sure, let the ant walk on me.  Let’s just let anything touch me without my permission now.  Ants, babysitters, brothers, fathers, whatever.”

An ant has complete power over me and over the general quality of my life.  Just like that babysitter had power over me and my brother, and the quality of our life.

I believe that an ant has more power than me right now.  That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Reason #229: What happens when you DON’T fuck kids

My husband’s father (my father-in-law) died.  He fought a long, hard battle with cancer and it ended his life way too soon. 

My father-in-law never hurt his children.  He was never violent with them, never inappropriate with them, and hardly ever raised his voice to them.  When I was dating my husband, he said that he didn’t have one bad memory of his father.  That’s the kind of father that my husband had, the kind that only leaves good memories.

When I used to hug my father-in-law, I never once got that weird inkling of ‘what are his intentions’, the way I have with my own father.  My father-in-law was a gentle sweet man, so very unlike my own father.

At the wake and the funeral and the aftermath of this beautiful man’s death, I found myself staring at the people who survived him (his wife and children).  All of his children have no fear.  None of them are afraid of the night or other people.  They don’t have trust issues.  They all think the world is basically good.

My husband would not think to hurt another human, because his father never hurt another human. This is what happens when you don’t fuck kids.  You get a world filled with trust and goodness.  You have kind people who do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.  When kids are loved, protected, and treated right, they become productive healthy members of society. 

May he rest in peace.  I bet his ascent into Heaven was probably the quickest thing they had seen in a long time.

Reason #228: Tyler Perry
March 11, 2011, 2:58 pm
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Tyler Perry came out as a sexual abuse survivor a while back, but I only just caught the full story on Oprah.  He had multiple sexual abusers – a male nurse in his elementary school, another male adult friend of the family, a friend’s mother – the list goes on.  His father was horrifically physically abusive with him.  On Oprah, he said that predators naturally understand which victims will be easiest, and the easiest kind is the one whose own parents are already hurting him.

As I have said many times before: Every time one of us goes public, we all win.  When one of us has the courage to break the secret, the secret is easier to break for the next one and the next one and the next one.  Until there are no more secrets.

One particular story of his had significant meaning for me.  He said that after he got famous and rich, he was doing a press thing, and the people there told him they hired someone to assist him while he was in town.  This little woman comes into his room, and she is the assistant they hired.  She is the woman who abused him when he was a child.  He asked “Why G-d, why?? Why now?  Why would you put her in front of me now?”  He said he heard G-d say “Because it’s over.”

May we hear that glorious message too.  Let it be over, for all of us.  May we all honor the children we were when they fucked us, and honor the adults we have become in spite of and because of them.  And let it be over.

Reason #227: The Most RYSFK moment so far
March 9, 2011, 1:02 pm
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Last week, I had the most ‘Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids’ moment ever, seriously.  The huz was away on a business trip, but my mom was staying with me so that I didn’t have to be alone.  Mom got sick with some sort of tummy bug though, and one of the effects of the bug was that she had terribly smelly gas.

I was totally freaked out trying to sleep in bed by myself, even with the lights on, and my big dog next to me.  Here’s the RYSFK moment.  I had to decide if I should stay in the room by myself and just be panicked and have panicked sleep, or sleep in my mom’s room with her smelly gas.  The patheticness of the situation was not lost on me, and I almost laughed as I thought about the absurdity of the whole situation.

Seriously, this is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Reason #226: Another OCD post
March 4, 2011, 12:02 am
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I had a post about the babysitter all ready, but then I realized that this reason is #226.  I don’t like the number 6.  I am afraid of that number.

I am afraid of a fucking number. 

I only step into or out of rooms with my right foot.  I only reach for things with my right hand.  If I accidentally reach for things with the wrong hand, I will put it back and pick it back up with the right hand.  I have trouble wearing certain colors.  This is complete obsessive compulsive disorder.  All these compulsions are obsessively done by me in an attempt to ward off future evil, because I could not ward off the evil that has already been done to me.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Do any of my survivor readers out there have any ocd things?  Please share.

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