Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #226: Another OCD post
March 4, 2011, 12:02 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

I had a post about the babysitter all ready, but then I realized that this reason is #226.  I don’t like the number 6.  I am afraid of that number.

I am afraid of a fucking number. 

I only step into or out of rooms with my right foot.  I only reach for things with my right hand.  If I accidentally reach for things with the wrong hand, I will put it back and pick it back up with the right hand.  I have trouble wearing certain colors.  This is complete obsessive compulsive disorder.  All these compulsions are obsessively done by me in an attempt to ward off future evil, because I could not ward off the evil that has already been done to me.

This is why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Do any of my survivor readers out there have any ocd things?  Please share.


16 Comments so far
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I prefer to be out of a room before I turn off the light in it. I will leave a room and then reach around to the switch and turn the light off. A variant on this is to turn the light out when I have at least one foot out the door. I wouldn’t say it is a compulsion, because I can consciously do something else if I’m paying attention, but my mind is sneaky and about a quarter of the time I’ll ‘forget’ to turn off a light if I have to walk across a dark room to leave it after turning it off. I used to avoid walking on seams in concrete as well. It was more a compulsive thing when I was a teenager, was living with my abuser, and had all my feelings and memories locked down tight. I don’t think even then that I fit OCD precisely though.

SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

Hi Butterfly,

I don’t think that I have enough issues to be diagnosed, but I do have glitches where I do certain things a certain way. It goes pretty deep into my multiple system as well. I do tend to make everything into a ritual and like to do it the same way every time. I think much of my clutter issues were ocd like. I have very rigid ideas, very black and white, clean or messy, not normal. I have engaged in a lot of magical thinking, which is a big part of ocd, which has gotten somewhat better.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Hi Butterfly, I’m a checker. I have rituals for most things I check, stoves, doors, sinks, showers and many more. Some more extensive than others. Most of my OCD behaviors revolve around a central theme of being absolutely paranoid about not hurting children.
For example I can never walk past a toilet without making sure the toilet seat is down, in case any child in the house fell foreword and drowned in it. My children are twelve and seven so this is an extremely remote possibility but I have never been able to walk past a toilet without opening the door to check, and if the toilet seat is up there is no way I could ever just walk away and leave it. I know people lower toilet seats for cleanliness all the time, but for me it is an obsession with children drowning. I also used to be obsessed with safety when I used an iron. Again most people are with irons, but mine went to an unhealthy level. Firstly, the children were never allowed to be in the same room I was ironing in ever, even though I never left it unattended. Secondly there was the issue with storage, an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE. After using it I would try to hide the iron in the safest place I could think of, but it was never good enough. I would constantly ruminate on how the children would come upon it, and be caused serious bodily harm. I moved that iron around literally hundreds of times, some days not being able to do anything but think just about that, until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and I threw it out. I now go to my mums when I am desperate to iron something.

One of my major checking problems is the car. I have a ritual of reading the gear stick upwards from the bottom to the top, D N R 1 2 3 P, over and over and over again. Because I can’t mentally lock in the thought that the car is in park. Then I run my hand over it several times trying to lock it in by way of touch. After this I always run my hand over the hand break and say out loud that it is engaged, and I do this several times as well. Then I get out the car, and on a good day I only have to repeat this over in my head about three times whilst resting my head on the drivers window. If not I go around to the passenger window and repeat and repeat again. Sometimes it’s O.K. and it doesn’t take me long. But on days when I am rushed or anxious well it just won’t register at all. So then I have to start mentally recording the date and time I’m parking the car and note the angle of incline the car is on. The greater the incline the worse it is, the flatter the incline the better it is. If it doesn’t work, I open the car and start all over again. One day nothing I did was working and I was stuck at the car totally late for an important class and I just  kept repeating for ages. Finally I got so angry I kicked the car, because I was standing in mud in the pouring rain getting absolutely soaked, yet unable to move away. You know what they say, some days are diamonds and some days are stone. Well this day was whopping big boulder. And this obsession is again because I have an incredible fear of not parking the car properly, and it rolling backwards and hurting or killing a child.
I have many more checking rituals when if interrupted, I have to start all over again from the beginning. I don’t know exactly why I developed this particular fear, but it probably has to do with being hyper vigilant as a child and being scared that if I wasn’t alert at all times my father would creep up on me and take advantage of me or scare me.
Sorry for the extra long post, but it felt so nice talking to someone else about how debilitating these fears can be at times, knowing they can understand.

Comment by kerri0002

My Survivor Readers are so wonderful!

Kerri – thank you for sharing your ocd behaviors; every time we talk about what has resulted from us being abused, we free ourselves and everyone else around us from having to live with secrets.
Kate – Thank you for sharing. May I ask – What is magical thinking? (I am ignorant, please forgive me.)
Warrior – Now that is an interesting one!! I always have light issues too, and my answer to this is to always leave them on. Our electric company sends us love letters on Valentine’s Day. 🙂

Comment by butterflysblog

Hi Butterfly,

A quick definition:

In clinical psychology, magical thinking is a condition that causes the patient to experience irrational fear of performing certain acts or having certain thoughts because they assume a correlation with their acts and threatening calamities.

A mini defintion would be step on a crack break your mother’s back.

In society, magical thinking is something we all do, from a fan or ballplayer who wears a certain article of clothing because it helps the team win or the person win. Or blowing on dice for luck, etc etc etc. Looking for good luck for something you do and looking to avoid bad luck by something you do or don’t do, those are magical thinking, though religion can be seen as magical thinking throughout, from an anthropological viewpoint. One of my degrees is in anthropology. Wiki has more info, didn’t look it over enough to see how much I agree with what it written there.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Kate – Wow! Magical thinking, I totally have this. Another reason you shouldn’t fuck kids.

Comment by butterflysblog

Not to say that all OCDs are survivors, but I think that most, or all, survivors have OCD personality traits. Mine is always noting my proximity to an exit door compared to men in the room. The more men, the closer to the door I move. I’m that way with table items, too: when I’m sitting at a table to eat, nothing can be near my plate, my glass, my silverware, etc.

Comment by ivory

Hi Ivory – what a cool OCD to have! Proximity to the door – that is awesome! Thank you for sharing.

Comment by butterflysblog

Count me in too. Numbers–7 is “my” number and 4 is next in line. Things have to happen in multiples of 7 and/or 4 or at least have to have a 7 or 4 in them. Using the pepper grinder, has to be 7, 11, 14, etc turns. I know it’s silly but if I don’t do it right, it feels so wrong. People walking on grates, ugh! My husband has learned not to do it because it disturbs me so much. Certain holes skeeve me out. Holes that are everywhere, like pores in our skin, the holes in crumpets or split-open english muffins, sometimes even the dimples in a golf ball. Sigh… You’re not alone by far. I have no idea if I’d have OCD if it wasn’t for the abuse. My father, who was my main abuser, also has OCD. And I have Tourettes to go along with it, lucky me–that also runs in the family.

Comment by lifemultiplied

Hi LifeMultiplied! This really hit home for me – I, too, make my husband do or not do certain things because I can’t take it otherwise. I make him leave the house with his right foot. I even take it to the degree of when I am watching a movie, if the character in the movie steps through a doorway with their left foot, I worry for them!!! I have to say, in thinking this through while typing it, I am chuckling about it. Oh well, at least we keep life interesting, huh?

Comment by butterflysblog

I have a lot of OCD tendencies. I know it is born out of a need to have complete control over my life because I had no control when I was a child. Like Kerri, I am a checker. Constantly checking everything, over and over.

If I could think more clearly today, I could write a book on everything I do that is obviously OCD. I get obsessed with “things” too. Pens was one for a good long time. Every time I went to the store, I’d buy a new package of pens…every time. I’ve been trying to force myself to get better at that because I have about a million pens. Notebooks are the same way. I’m forever buying new notebooks, and I don’t need them. I have them all over my house.

Comment by insaneheart09

Hi InsaneHeart,

You know, of all the OCD things, buying pens – that’s a pretty good one! At least you never run out of pens! I feel like I am constantly looking for pens. 🙂

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

How strange – I have the pens thing as well! Well, stationery in general, but especially pens.

I think my biggest OCD-esque type of behaviour relates to parking. The car has to be exactly straight, perfectly in the middle of a space. I can spend an entire half hour parking if I’m not happy with it, and have even been known to take a take measure with me!!!

I also count steps, avoid pavement cracks and check doors that I know are locked, and I’m very guilty of magical thinking. Currently I’m responsible for the situation in Libya because I did something fucked up something or other recently. Yep, perfectly sane and rational there..!

Comment by Pandora

Hi Pandora! Your admissions made me smile, and I thank you for that. Now, the parking OCD – man, now that one must absolutely suck!!! At the same time, you must be a world-class parker at this point!

Comment by butterflysblog

If I’m looking at a clock, I have to do things only at certain times. For instance, I can’t get out of bed unless the last two numbers of the time are a multiple of five, the same number or divisible by seven. Also, that number can’t be three.

It’s my way of controlling time.

Comment by kindamaybesorta

Hi Kinda,

Thank you for sharing! What an intricate OCD you have! That’s awesome!

– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog




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