Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #241: A New Bedroom for me
May 22, 2011, 12:02 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

Since my husband has figured out that he is a woman inside, and my marriage is over, we have been talking about us moving into separate bedrooms in our home.  Luckily, we happen to have a guest bedroom.  It is much smaller than our master bedroom and it is covered in really ugly wallpaper that we always meant to change but never got around to it.

When I told my mom that I am going to be the one that moves into the guest bedroom, she said “Why?  Why can’t he move into the other bedroom?”

I got embarrassed.  It’s not the first time my survivor issues have crept up in unexpected places, unexpected conversations.  The reason I have to move into the other bedroom is that the smaller bedroom is a lot less frightening for me.  The Master bedroom has four closets to worry about people hiding in, all kinds of nooks and crannies to shine a light in before I go to sleep, etc.  Just too many places for me to be worried about.   Too many places for me to be afraid of.

The smaller bedroom is like a square, and the only places I have to worry about are the one closet and under the bed.  It’s just a much easier bedroom for me to live in, if I have to live in a separate bedroom from my husband. 

When I said all this to my mom, she said “Oh sweetie.  I’m so sorry honey.”  And then I started to cry, as I have every day since this whole mess started.

Having to take the smaller shit bedroom upon separating from my husband.  That is the 241st way that being a survivor of child sexual abuse has fucked me again.


5 Comments so far
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Hi Dear,

I am so sorry. I don’t use a frame for the bed, it is easier for me to get in and out of it, and the added benefit is that it is on the floor and nothing can be under it. When I was a teenager I was terrorized after reading the book Jaws. I knew on one level that a shark could not be under my bed, but reading it tapped into my abuse history fears and fueled it.

Is there still a possibility of a med for helping you with your fears. I know that anxiety meds have helped me.

I think you are so brave. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975

Butterfly,

I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, dear. ♥

Chungyen

Comment by TreatInfamy

[…] situation.  Like when I think about my husband turning into a woman.  Or when I think about my upcoming move into the guest bedroom.  (Mom and I spent the last week putting new wallpaper up in that bedroom, so that I won’t […]

Pingback by Reason #247: Changing my Mantra « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] and I have been sleeping in the guest bedroom the last few nights.  I figured it was a good chance for me to get used to sleeping in there anyway.  I am grateful the huz was in there with me though, as just moving in there on my own would have […]

Pingback by Reason #248: The Address Book « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

[…] am thinking of trying to sleep in the new bedroom alone tonight.  It will be my first time sleeping in there alone, but I feel like I have to do it.  I keep […]

Pingback by Reason #249: ‘Survival’ sleep « Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids




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