Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #243: Elephants in the room with us

My husband’s cousin came over last week.  She doesn’t know about my husband becoming a woman yet, so we had to act like everything is fine.  We had to act like our marriage isn’t imploding like a dying star.  It was like sitting there with an enormous elephant engulfing the space between my husband and I, while we all chatted about the weather. 

I don’t do well with elephants in the room that no one talks about.

It’s not the first time I have had to do that.  All of us fucked kids have done our time with elephants in the room.  It’s impossible not to.  First of all, a lot of the time, we are either related to our abuser or the abuser is close enough to the family that they are present in the same room as us during non-abuse times.  Second of all, the abuse leaves us feeling different.  Otherized.  So we sit there, staring at the elephant silently, while everyone around us blathers on about some nonsense we could give a shit about.

I can’t even count the many times this has happened to me. I mean, every time I visit my family, one of my abusers (my brother) is sitting at the table with me.   Or how about when an ‘innocent’ discussion about child abuse comes up, and I have to sit there like I haven’t lived it?  Like this discussion isn’t about everything that has formed who I am.  Like I am not a fucked kid.

When you fuck kids, you are making sure that they live with elephants everywhere they go.  Always feeling different and weird and awkward.  That’s why you shouldn’t fuck kids.

9 Comments so far
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Dear Butterfly,

Otherized, I think that word says it good.

It’s hard to even breathe or move with an elephant in the room. Story of my life as well.

I don’t want to minimize what you are going through in any way, but I wanted to say this as today I feel this much more strongly than I ever have before, and not about this post, but the way you right, and not about your husband, but in reference to your survivorhood, I wish that you would write a book. You may not know this or realize this, but your courage is a beacon for others, you are easy to care about and love. You are an incredible person and your honesty, as always, is searing.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Love you,


Comment by kate1975

write, not right, sorry. My mind sometimes doesn’t listen to what I am trying to say when my fingers are typing.


Comment by kate1975

Kate – what a lovely thing to say. Thank you so much!!! You always have such a kindness and generosity, and I feel so privileged to know you.

Comment by butterflysblog

Thank you. I feel so priviledged to know you as well. I’m very lucky in my survivor friends.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

I know the feeling. I was abused as a kid too. Then, a few years ago my brother-in-law started coming on to me. I tried to tell my mom and sister about this. My sister just assured me that he was “just like that” to everybody. My mom told me she would speak to him, but then decided not to. To this day, every holiday I have to deal with him eye-balling me and trying to get that “familial hug” when we all depart. He still tries to “friend” me on every social site he can. No one cares because it’s not their problem but I have to deal with it every time he’s around.

Comment by randym23

Hi Randy – good for you for telling the truth even when everyone else wants to believe a lie. Every time one of us breaks the secret on people who wrong us, it gives strength to all the rest of us.
– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

thank you for this post. i can appreciate these feelings and they suck. thinking of you and all you are going through. i am grateful for your blog.

Comment by mile191

Hi Mile – thank you for your kind comments; I appreciate it.
– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

[…] Reason #243: Elephants in the room with us […]

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