Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids

Reason #256: Hiding behind sunglasses
August 23, 2011, 12:34 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Ever since the complete and utter failure of my marriage, I have spent a lot of time crying.  I cry a lot while driving.  Probably not the safest thing in the world, but I can’t help it.  It’s the only time when I do not have anything else to distract myself with, so I end up alone with my thoughts.  And these thoughts make me cry.

I wear sunglasses so that the other drivers don’t see me cry.  Is that weird?  I’m not sure.

I used to cry solely from the effects and memories of being abused.  Now I cry from that and my failed marriage.  All while hiding behind sunglasses.

One of the things that survivors of child sexual abuse innately learn is that no one is interested in seeing their tears or hearing them cry.  If they were interested in that, they wouldn’t have left us in situations where we were so easily abused.  Plus, most of the time when we cry about it afterwards, people don’t get it, and we quickly learn to hide our tears.

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.”  – Muriel Rukeyser


4 Comments so far
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Hi Butterfly,

I think it is okay to cry, as much as you need to, and if it is safe while driving that is okay too. It doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong, quite the opposite, you are doing what you need to do. Tears can be very healing.

If you would like to distract yourself while driving, in a safe way, I would suggest music or books on tape that you might want to hear.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Comment by kate1975

Grief happens. It makes sense that you’re grieving. I’ve cried lots in cars while driving. I don’t think of your marriage as a failure, it’s just two people not working out. That’s not a personal failure, it’s just stuff that happens. Grieving over a marriage breaking up is one of those things non-survivors can understand, maybe not the transsexual part for some of them, but really does it matter why you’re breaking up to anyone but you? Breaking up a marriage is one of the most stressful regular people things that happens. I think if someone saw you cry and you said, “I’m getting a divorce”, they’d totally think it was normal (which it is).


Comment by sworddancewarrior

Heya– I don’t have anything really wise or helpful to say, but I just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking about you and am hoping that good things come your way IN SPADES right about… now.


Comment by pajanguin

Hi Kate, Warrior, and Pajanguin – Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I am touched by your support.
– Butterfly

Comment by butterflysblog

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