Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids


Reason #260: Kids think it’s their fault

I was recently hospitalized again (same problem as before, only this time they actually removed my gall bladder).  When I got home from the hospital, the huz/wife and I spent some time explaining to our son that when we touch mama, we have to be very careful around my tummy. 

My sweet son gently put his hand on my tummy and said “We have to be gentle with mama’s tummy.” Later, he found me alone in my room and he looked me in the eyes and asked “Did mama go to the hospital because I hurt your tummy?” 

My sweet beautiful innocent son.  That’s kids.  They can’t understand a world where they are not the center of it, so in his little mind all of this was his fault.  Obviously, I took some time to explain to him that this had nothing to do with him, that he did nothing wrong at all, and that he is a good boy.  I told him that sometimes people get hurt and they get band-aids put on them.  I helped him remember some times where he too got hurt and had band-aids too, and how it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

The whole thing got me thinking though.  When my parents got divorced, I thought it was my fault too.  And you can damn well bet that when my brother and father started with me, I thought that was my fault too.  I’m sure in my little mind, I thought the babysitter was my fault too.  That’s probably why I never said anything about it for such a long time to my mom.  The fault thing took up so much time in therapy.  I mean SO MUCH.  I would say that trying to understand that it wasn’t my fault was probably the biggest breakthrough of all my therapy.  Once I began to understand that it wasn’t my fault, I was able to begin dealing with all the other aspects of surviving child sexual abuse (like betrayal, fear, depression, etc.)

I’ve had a lot of therapy.  I know it’s not my fault.  But fucked kids automatically think it’s our fault, and it’s not until everyone in the whole world tells us it’s not our fault over and over and over again do we begin to realize that it truly wasn’t our fault.

Truly, it’s not your fault.  You could have screamed at the top of your lungs “NOOOO!!” and your perp still would have found a way to abuse you.  You could have sat on his lap naked and said “Fuck me”, and it still would have been up to him to say “This is wrong.  You are a child.  I am an adult.  I will not ever touch you in a sexual way.  Let’s get you some therapy.”

It wasn’t my son’s fault that I had to go to the hospital to get my gall bladder out.  It wasn’t my fault my parents got divorced.  It wasn’t my fault that a babysitter, a brother, and a father abused me. But I thought it was my fault till I was around 32 or so, and I am almost 38 now. That’s a long time to carry the burden of guilt of someone abusing me.


2 Comments so far
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I hope your recovery is quick and uneventful from your surgery. hugs to you. SDW

Comment by sworddancewarrior

I’m sorry that you had to go to the hospital and stay again. But I’m glad that it was removed and hope that is the end of any further hospital stays.

I can really relate about feeling at fault. Me too. I’m glad that you realize it was not your fault and that there was nothing you did or said to be to blame. You are right, it takes a long time to learn that.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Comment by kate1975




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